Football Fanalytical

And DC United enters the fray ...

2011-12-14T09:24:00.000-05:00

... not much time to post now, except to say that I've begun a DC United project in anticipation of co-posting with Fullback Files. And it's going astonishingly well - DC lead the league after 8 games.

There are significant reasons for this. The roster DC ended the season with - with DeRo and McDonald - is significantly superior than the one the actual Utd started with. I cleaned out the left-sided morass and started over with a Brazilian kid (Eron, who cost $950k) and Bob-bay Con-vay. Yeah, I traded a draft pick and Stephen King for Bobby Convey. On a flyer, I offered Woolard to Houston for Geoff Cameron, and they went for it - seriously? In short, the starting 11 is formidable, as I'll detail later.

So, huge advantages - everyone's healthy, for anoter one. I canned the entire front office staff; the physios and fitness coach I recruited are world class. As a result, Boskovic has been ever-present at his favored inside-left, deep creative role. Same for Jed Zayner at right back - he's been outstanding and reliable and freakin' healthy.

Charlie Davies has 7 goals and an assist in 8 games.

Hello again, frequently-forgotten blog

2011-12-05T08:38:00.000-05:00

It's clear, by this point, that I'm not a nose-to-the-grindstone kinda guy. While I've learned to work around my millisecond attention span, it does cut me off from the Greater Levels of Awesome available to those willing to do some heavy lifting. Witness this blog; witness my D&D games; witness my lack of career. Yeah.

It's not like I've stopped playing football-oriented games (which was the point of this blog, at some level) - it's just that I've stopped writing about them. So here I am, starting something new, hoping that I can summon the discipline necessary to not only play a game routinely but also to write about it without fail.

To that end, I've recently discovered a fun community-centered Football Manager pastime: FM challenges. In these, FM players take on difficult or strange assignments and compare outcomes. There's something about the eerie life-likeness of the results generated by FM that makes this whole thing tasty - deep in a save-game, you start to imagine the world implied by it: If San Marino makes the group stage of the World Cup, what else is different? Superheroes? Oil crash? Regional wars? (This is a topic for another time, I think ... hmm.)

So, the challenge I'm going with is called "Loyalist - Opportunist - Masochist." I'll take over a specific, very-low-league team, and try to rack up as many points as possible in-game during a 10-year span.

The challenge title refers to the possible approaches: Does one stay loyal to the small club and hope for serial promotion, does one jump up leagues as quickly as possible by taking new employment, or does one shoot for the moon, building a promotion-specialist reputation by continuing to seek out new employment at the lower rungs?

Fascinating decisions. I'm guessing my team will be crap. More as results dictate.

Embracing history, with muted horns

2010-06-27T12:17:00.001-04:00

From the sixth minute on - from the moment Rico Clark tried his one-and-only dribbling ploy (drag back, surprise-nutmeg!, burst-into-space-behind) and failed - I was watching this game with a phantom bone in my throat. The denouement seemed almost predictable: Boateng rifling in the first from 25 yards, Clark immediately trying to elbow someone in the face, getting carded, getting yanked, crying on the bench; I saw it all in that moment - hell, I felt it coming the moment I saw the lineups on the screen. Sarah was sitting on the couch and had seen them before me. Something in my face changed, obviously, because she said into the silence, "I knew you wouldn't be happy." Sometimes you see it coming. Usually it doesn't help.

Watching England capitulate to Germany today, though, I felt a twinge of satisfaction - not at their failure, really; more at the USA's spirit. England fans will talk today about what could have been, what might have been, if Lampard's strike was correctly judged a goal. They will paint pictures of the lands that lie on the other side of a correct call, of rolling meadows of green bathed in sunlight, a triumphant England resurrected from the ashes of a two-goal deficit.

And they'll be right, in a way. The game would have taken a different aspect had England tied - and Lampard later banged one off the crossbar; what might have been? And so on, and so on ... it felt that the Three Lions staggered out of the half still imagining other possible futures, still stuck inside their own heads, playing 11 separate games of football on 11 imaginations, while Germany grew more and more expansive and lovely. The difference between the history England's players were living, and the history they had dreamed of making, grew too great.

And it occured to me: How would USA have reacted? We don't have to look back far to wonder. To the injustices of the Slovenia game; to further injustice and frustration against Algeria; and finally, to managerial fumbling and defensive lapses - the response to difficulty from this USA side has been unyielding, resolute, confident and brave.

USA teams have a tradition of responding furiously to adversity - it is not exactly this I am lauding. Led by Donovan, Dempsey and Bradley, this group was defiant and full of craft. They reacted to the crush of events by thinking clearly about the tactical situation, by making the changes they had to make (even when doing so was a tacit admission of failure), and by outworking the other team when it counted. I am proud of the way this team played. I am proud of their hunger for work, their comfort with each other, and the intelligence of their decisions during the games.

For the rest of the day, mellow relaxation. Laundry. Argentina-Mexico. Dreaming of next time.

(If you're new to this, tell you what. Give Argentina-Mexico a chance. It should be beautiful beyond words, and will give you something to talk to that guy at work who wore a green jersey last week.)

On an island; brunch thoughts

2010-06-27T10:56:00.002-04:00

I know I should be writing about USA-Ghana, and I will, but gently, gently ... the loss, coming as it did, has given me no end of frustration, and my subconscious has claimed the topic as its own, driving me to solitude so it can use all my energy in the digestion effort.

After the loss last evening, Sarah, Sue, the girls and I weeded and dressed the garden. 96 tomato plants, 50 peppers, row of beans, row of onions, row of carrots; eggplant, pumpkin, squash, cucumber. I picked some rhubarb which I'll turn into rhubarb crisp. My hands ache and throb today. I felt better once we were done.

So England and Germany are playing during my hand-throbby brunch, and it occurs to me that England are having the same problem I am: They're alone out there, lost in their own thoughts and fears.

Germany move as a group, and their most vivid attribute is the creativity of those runs - forget front post-back post; the Mannschaft swirl into danger zones like curls of smoke from a pipe of Turkish hash. And it is Turkish, isn't it? Looks to me like Ozil is the x-factor, the mover that prompts the movement, the open mind at the center of this flock instinct.

As I wrote this, England snatched one back on a German mistake, and suddenly is full of vigor. Can they translate this energy (which I suspect is still internal, all of them playing their ego-movies of joining '66) into enough? I guess we'll get to see how technical the German defenders are in the second half.

Damn.

2010-06-26T17:02:00.001-04:00

Fuck.

End of regular time: A play in one word

2010-06-26T16:25:00.000-04:00

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrgggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!

Can't breathe.

So close, so close.

What's the next move? Will tactics have any say in the final 30, or is this just gut check after gut check?

Hard to say sorry sometimes

2010-06-26T15:37:00.000-04:00

I have to give it to Bob Bradley: It takes stones to admit you're wrong with the whole world waiting to comment. Starting Clark was a classic Bradley move, sticking with his guy'in a big situation against a chorus of disapproval from the 'fucking idiots' at home.

Sometimes you do the wrong thing for all the right reasons. I'm sure Rico Clark is a great guy, a team player, a worker; I know he covers a tremendous amount of ground. Problem is he anticipates the game like a U11 forward, and so a great deal of the ground he covers is just to make up for the previous over-run, and so on, and so on. It's like he's tacking in a heavy wind, zigging and zagging around the ball wildly. And in possession - ugh. He cannot dribble. He is uncomfortable with advancing the ball. He panics and freezes under pressure in possession.

I, for one, will simply take the 30th minute sub of Edu for Clark as the acknowledgement of the error. I hope all my fellow fucking idiots will just let it drop, should we not find the necessary magic in the second half.

18 hours out, nothing but anxiety

2010-06-25T20:22:00.000-04:00

Having a knockout tournament at this point almost seems impossibly exhausting: Finally, after all these riotous climaxes, some riotous climaxes. At long last! Muzzy-headed, we mumble, “Whuh? Kickoff?”

The payoff, as an American soccer nerd, has been beyond belief. It's possible to tire of explaining group-stage scoring, or the offside rule, or formations, or tactics, or diving … we have been assured this is the case … although we have not. yet. experienced it!!!!1! [Sorry.]

Finally, a format that's easy to explain, thanks to the trans-generational work of the NCAA basketball tournament: This is the Sweet Sixteen of World Soccer. Imagine Kenny Loggins singing about dreams in every language ever, and it still somehow being cool. Winner goes on – loser goes home! Yeah! Thunderdome! Yeah!

I feel as if I cannot think about USA v. Ghana. Its existence, as a match that will take place at a point of time in the future (2:30 p.m. EDT, if my schedule's right), is something I understand; but actually trying to pierce the veil of the game-future – for example, by positing lineups, or tactical suggestions – these approachs suggest a hubris that the format does not support. Fate will play a far larger role than any other actor, and so we must not turn her against us by drawing her gaze.

And yet ... I'd start Feilhaber over Findley, and Gooch with Demerit in the middle. There, I've said it; Fates, turn your furious gaze away.

THGF: Why all the garbage calls?

2010-06-24T22:08:00.003-04:00

At this point in the awareness of a new American soccer fan, the question of referee errors looms large. We've just lost two points in the group stage because of a blatantly blown call, and the failure to punish such fouls as the one that drew blood on Clint Dempsey make folks wonder: Why no instant replay? Why no review board?

Football proposes the radical notion that the only people who should have the ability to affect the outcome of a match are the ones on the pitch - the players and the officials. Furthermore, 'the officials', in general, refers exclusively to the referee; everyone else defers to his judgement without question or comment. So, 23 people control the match, a magical number, unstable, prime, ever-shifting.

The primacy of this principle can be seen in the fact that the referee keeps the game time on his own personal timepiece. Each team knows that they have roughly 90 minutes to establish dominance, but, as in life, the exact timing of the end is never quite known.

The man in the middle, the referee, always clad in some vibrant clashing color, is in an unenviable position - he must use his terrible powers with great discretion, especially as some players have honed the craft of mimicking harm to a credibility-skewering edge. This breeds in the ref a dissonance; he cannot trust his eyes simply, but must instantaneously decide (based upon the flow of the match, the reputations of the players' involved, etc.) whether he's being conned, or (more likely) how much he's being conned by everyone around him.

The end result is a turbulent environment where virtually any situation can erupt into a polyphonic symphony of debate. Fantastic, isn't it?

On USA-Algeria

2010-06-24T09:18:00.001-04:00

My piece on USA-Algeria is over on The Run of Play - check it out.

While you're over there, spend a while - it's got some of the best soccer writing on the planet if you ignore mine - heh.

The human game: Football; a proposal

2010-06-23T22:58:00.000-04:00

One of the cool things about the World Cup, as a longtime but decidedly non-evangelical soccer fan, is that it rakes in a few new fans every cycle. It's just omnipresent, and so much more than a simple sports competition - a cultural touchstone, world carnival, technological marvel - it asks to be watched on so many levels that inevitably a few people notice this game at the center of the conga line: football. My brother might be one of those, at last, at last, because he asked me for some thoughts on The Human Game: Football.

Alright, Ryan. I'm game. Why not?

In the future, filter for these posts by using the THGF tag. Muchas gracias.

And another thing: F**k Algeria

2010-06-23T19:50:00.002-04:00

As much as I'd like to salute the gritty effort of the Algerian side, I just can't. It was punkish, thuggish, and cynical - in the end, they simply gave up on the possibility of winning the game and seemed content to prevent the Great Satan from moving on.

Some will ask for evidence. I ask you: It's the 83rd minute, the game's a draw, you're on one point in a wide-open group. The draw does you no good whatsoever - to have any chance of moving on, you need a goal. Why, then, do you concede possession again and again in favor of keeping eight or nine men behind the ball? One reason only: You don't care to win. You're content to draw.

So again, tactically, Algeria decided it would rather take a good chance at denying us in exchange for forfeiting its own slightly longer shot at advancing. That's bullshit, the kind of political shenanigans that gives international competition a bad name.

The lovely thing is that Donovan's goal washes all that bitter garbage down the sluice. The blown calls, Algeria's negativity, the defensive lapses - they're all just part of a glorious story of this group stage. Whatever happens from this point forward, Act I has been a doozy.

Toronto v. Philadelphia: Everywhere, the disquiet

2010-04-17T19:00:00.008-04:00

The winds are howling and the world's shaking itself loose; at least it feels that way. The night scratches its back against our houses, the heat of the day falls away like a dream; and then the cycle reverses, unpredictably, tapping out weird rhythms of hot-cold that upset our animal patterns over the days of this tense spring. There is a feeling of unrest in the Land of the Free, a disquiet. The feeling is immanent and of the time. It has been here before and will be again.

Soccer seems to have a window during each of these periods of weird energy, a chance to make a greater impression upon the minds of Americans.* How will MLS handle this opportunity? The great Eight-Ball of Fate can be fickle; one needs look no further than the league website relaunch to find Outlook Not So Good.

Perhaps that sense of high strangeness permeated the ground Thursday night in Toronto. How else to explain Preki rolling out a lineup for the home faithful that looked like a U8 allstar team: Put the badass guys at the front, and sprinkle the other guys around the back a bit.

The talking heads in the pregame** pointed out repeatedly how frustrated the red-clad faithful were with their three whopping years of mediocrity***, and Preki responds with a lineup that looks like either a deliberately raised middle finger or horrified, ass-clenched panic. DeRo! … and DeGuzman! … together! ...UP TOP!

As for the rest of the lineup … science fiction writers have done some fascinating work in imagining how one might communicate with (for example) mineral people from Proxima Centauri, or a superintelligent shade of the color blue. Perhaps Preki and his staff could avail themselves of this fiction, as the members of their squad seem to misunderstand each other profoundly, perhaps at a cellular level.

Philadelphia, under the guidance of Peter Nowak, did itself the honor of starting two of what used to be called 'strikers,' before Preki revealed their redundancy. And he did something else, something that augurs well for MLS in this odd climate: He started a fantastically talented young player at a key position – 18-year-old Colombian pivota Roger Torres.

Torres was clearly the best player on the field this night. His first touch is superb, the ball stays with him once he controls it, and he sees the play as if he's above it. He also uses his gifts intelligently – a Colombian Cesc Fabregas to pull the strings. He also has the ability, rare in the hurly-burly of MLS, to make the game seem slower than it is; he is unhurried, and so everything is when the ball is his.

And yet, and yet … Philly couldn't quite get the goal they need to settle things down, and Toronto kept banging it forward and hoping. The Red Cap Boys et al kept chanting. And Danny Califf … ahh, Danny Califf.

Is there a defender in the world better suited to playing in Philadelphia than Danny Califf? If PR people created a character to attract enthusiastic support among the people of Philadelphia, it would be someone very much like Califf. Scowling, bruising, mohawked and tattooed, Califf had been flawless until his second fluffed backpass to the keeper failed to surprise DeGuzman. He responded in character, elbow to throat, and spent the rest of the night elsewhere.

High strangeness isn't for everybody. Chris Seitz, the young man-mountain of a keeper for Nowak's side, clearly is among them. His two gaffes gave the three points to Toronto, aided by Califf's misadventure. And Preki cannot be comforted that their extra body did not help them keep the ball, or defend, or lead cheers, or do community outreach, or anything else a soccer club does. It is hard to imagine a less convincing 2-1 victory.

Others adapted to the patina of oddity rather better. Fred's habit of passing the ball to the other team slipped his mind, and suddenly his dribbling and movement weren't just an irritating prelude to Feh! Toronto sprinter O'Brien White zoomed about purposefully. There were others, mostly wearing navy and gold, as the Union controlled most of the play despite being down a man.

And how did MLS fare? The spring winds are wild, rough and fickle – no reading can be made at this time. Reply hazy, try again later.

High strangeness continues. Everywhere, the disquiet. Everywhere but on the pitch.

----------------------------------------------------------

*The great doubting trough of the 70s spawned the NASL; similarly, MLS fought its way to the light during the Clinton witchhunt hullaballo, etc.

** I experienced this match as I experience virtually every one of the thousands of matches I've watched in my life: in my house, on the TV. Like a lot of Americans, I came to love soccer before MLS existed. Now that the league exists, I have my favorites, but am not partisan in the way most European fans would be. The game's the thing.

*** Before soccer colonized my soul entirely, I grew up a Cubs fan. TFC fans need to grow some patience.

Shockingly, another thing I'm doing

2010-02-05T20:45:00.000-05:00

Which, predictably, I'll write about tantilizingly and then not finish. Skeeerrrrooooorrrooorrooooot ...

FC Flint Utd, take 2, Football Manager edition. 100% homegrown squad, mostly under 18, superduper talented. Seannie, check. Mama, check. All the usual Chicago Fire created players, check. But also - Signorino, the heady captain. Rusty, the defensive savant. Spanky, the labile B-teamer. And a cast of 20s ... slowly dispersing into the playerstream of world soccer.

Awesome.

Hi there, y'all

2010-02-01T19:59:00.003-05:00

So somewhere out there you've just read my DC United challenge post, and came over to check the place out - thanks, and hiya, and all that.

Unfortunately, some friends came in from out of town, and I got audited, and my cat is pregnant, and I got this tendonitis, and, and and, and. So, anyway, the place is a mess, and I haven't posted much lately. Sorry! If you see anything you like, just leave a note, ok?

DF: WTF?

2009-11-20T07:40:00.002-05:00

So the sharp-witted among you are reading about the Cleveland friendly with chagrin: "Justin Mapp, man of the match? We thought you exiled him."

And I did, I did. I shipped him off to Colorado for Pablo Mastroeni. I played through preseason and the first couple of matches with that roster before a power spike shut down my computer ... and corrupted the savegame. Arrrrgh.

Fortunately, I have the game set to three-file rolling autosave, so I was able to get the game back. However, the save I'm working from was before the Mapp trade, and looking at the roster again, I felt Mastro would make too many defender-types who'd bitch if they weren't playing every game. So this time I didn't exile the shmoopy but tantilizing Mr. Mapp.

Oh, and this time I sent Dasan Robinson to KC for Claudio Lopez, not Calen Carr. For some reason Carr's year-long injury ties my hands - I can't trade him, can't cut him. I hope I'm getting cred from the Fire's imaginary fans for my compassion.

DF: The first friendly

2009-11-20T07:35:00.000-05:00

First up, the Cleveland City Stars. Now, I'm a big believer in not burning your team out over the course of the season, so I stress that this is just a friendly in the pregame talk. Plus, I'm reasoning the team is a little shaky since two players blew out their knees in practice 48 hours ago.

In any case, I've put out a pretty raw side:

--------- Rolfe --- Mama-----------

Mapp -- Pause -- Lily -- Thorrington

Lebeau -- Soumare -- Helguera -- Kelly

-------------- Anya ----------------

This is what is saved as 'family442dm1.3.' The two strikers are offset, with Mama coming back to hold possession (and the team is playing to her incredible feet), while Rolfe plays off the shoulder of the last defender. The wings are expected to be daring but to also work hard; Pause is a straight-up terrier, and Lily is a pivota-style linking midfielder. Helguera is in the sweeperish role, while Soumare pushes up a little. Kelly and Lebeau have a lot of license to get up the field.

Annnnnd we come out flat as a pancake. After a hopeful first 8 minutes or so, Cleveland collapses into the defensive crouch familiar the world over. Their midfielders, under no pressure, lob the ball into our corner to kill more clock - in the 22nd minute. That sort of thing.

Our Fire respond by doing very little, seeming confused. They do earn a few corners, mostly thanks to the industry of the limited but unflappable Thor. Finally, in the 53rd, the aforementioned God of Thunder chases down an aimless pass at the end line and first-times a cross that rakes through the penalty area, where a grateful Mapp taps it home.

Then subs, then circus, but nothing of moment. In the old ticker style, this snarl of preseason confusion looks a simple win: Cleveland 0, Chicago 1; Mapp 53.

DF: Gah, time for new physios

2009-11-20T07:33:00.000-05:00

I always forget to go shopping for physios - I try to employ as many 19- and 20-rated physios as the board will allow, but somehow I forget about it, usually until the first rash of injuries.

Something about the leap year or something, but McBride sprained his knee (out 6-7 weeks) and Seannie tore a ligament in his knee (out 6-9 weeks) in training on Leap Day. That's crappy.

Del Fuego: Preseason decisions

2009-07-31T23:20:00.000-04:00

As usual, I had my coaching staff working the players hard physically and with the ball. I find that if I train set pieces and shooting too much too early, the team never coheres sufficiently to become the kind of possession panthers I want them to be. So it's high ball control and tactics all through March, right up until the first MLS game. And I don't have to make much of a decision about shape - I prefer a low-tempo diamond 442 with a fairly deep line and active fullbacks, and we've got the personnel to make that work (basically), so good.

Which means the preseason is about a couple of things: Making sure everyone gets a fair amount of minutes in the friendlies, and making the all-important roster decisions. MLS roster restrictions, when compared with the leagues it feels are its peers, are insanely parsimonious. 28 man roster, $50 thou a week for salaries - oh, and 10 of those contracts are the notorious 'developmental' cat-food-diet contracts. Somehow several of my wunderkinds have agreed to these insane pittance salaries, which means that I have a pretty deep roster in MLS terms.

The roster is pretty strong, but I have another factor: The club has a rich owner who expects changes. That's right - he insists I spend money.

As a longtime Fire fan, I know the areas I want to address, and let's start with Justin. Fucking. Mapp. Good lord, this kid has driven me insane with his mopey inconsistency for something like 750 years, despite being only 24 years old. And so, after a refreshing romp on a pile of the owner's money, I send Calen Carr to play in a minor league baseball stadium and summon El Piojo from Kansas City ... Calen Carr and, umm, 1.5 million dollars.

Yeah, that's right. My only excuse, really, is that it's someone else's money.

And, yeah. I need some more veteran leadership. Or better veteran leadership. So ... ehh ... Pablo! Mastroeni! for CJ Brown. And 3 million, because I really want Colorado to turn a profit this year.

Remember: Someone else's money.

At this point a madness gripped me. Gripped was I by a madness! Veteran leadership - seasoned, credentialed veteran leadership - couldn't possibly have a downside on a side carrying six (6) wunderkindsess under the age of 18. Right? RIGHT? So, gee ... Ivan Helguera. 33 years old, 47 caps for Spain, played for Valencia last year (!) and Real Madrid (!!) the 10 years before that. Available on a free (?!?) ... for the second year in a row (!?>!).

I'm working under the assumption that, for players to develop a cosmopolitan sense of the game, they need guides. And so I'm trying to provide a multitude of guides for our pile of Fire wunderkinds - Blanco and McBride, yes, the trickster and the stalwart, but also Mastroeni (the terrier) and Helguera (the dude who played with all the other dudes). I tried my damnedest to use reallife(tm) to guide my draft picks, turning two second-round selections into Chris Pontius and AJ DeLaGarza.

On a sad note, the distinguished careers of Diego Gutierrez and Brandon Prideaux came to an end earlier than in our world. The new blood crowds out the old, and round we go ...

Del Fuego!

2009-06-23T23:56:00.012-04:00

Another year. Another year. No matter what, those two word ground away at the back of his mind. Another year of the cycle of practice-film-practice-film-practice-scrimmage-practice-film-practice-walkthrough-game. January in Chicago, trying to play football. Ice-cold rain whipping in sheets off the lake - miserable. The world as painted by a goth kid. Always this idea, never acknowledged out of superstition, that the whole thing would be redeemed by a moment of greatness, a perfect, transcendant goal or cup win or dynasty. Chris Armas trudged to the first workout of the 2008 season without an inkling what he was about to see: An American soccer Golden Age, just being born.

The coach was new, some wild-eyed scout who'd found a bunch of players on an immigrant Argentinian cattle farm in central Michigan. Sean Spence talked his way past security to Andrew Hauptman's executive suite using a shared family background at Williams College and a gift for gab. Once there, though, he had the incredible Youtube footage he'd loaded earlier: The Argentinian-American kids from the pasture zipping the ball around effortlessly, juggling, scoring goals for fun. A spate of youth contracts later, the Fire possessed the future of American football ... for a little while, at least.

And now, Chris Armas' task begins. How to advise the genius kids? How to teach what you cannot do?

The rain blats down. The sound of leather spheres struck sweetly races out the open gym door.

* * *

So here it is: The 4,123rd blog about someone's Football Manager game (sorry, I'm in North America: Worldwide Soccer Manager game). This is a scenario I've tried a couple of times in the past, and always enjoyed, for reasons which will become obvious. After finding my way around the match engine and sharpening my tactical nous, I'm ready to give it a go in the latest iteration. 3D match engine! Exciting.

The idea here is that I'm running an MLS team which suddenly finds its bounty overflowing - a golden generation blossoms in the American Midwest. I named the added players after people in my family, because ... well ... I have three daughters, and they wonder just what in the world I'm doing over here on the computer every night around bedtime. I call this game 'the family game' for a reason: My wife, my children and I are the stars of this one particular storyline. The girls are all boys in the game, since you can't designate girls as players. (They hate that fact, if you must know.)

I've run several iterations of this idea on Championship Manager dating back to the 99-00 edition, I think. I've found that for this to have any real zest I have to adjust some of the background hoodoo a bit. Firstly, I tend to bump up the prestige of the club, in this case the Fire, to prevent the Random Scout Scenario.

Random Scout Scenario strikes when a low-prestige team starts the game with high-potential players - the first scout that runs into them suggests an academy slot, and off they run to the higher-prestige club. In other words, I start the game to find that all the youth players I just created were snatched in utero by some Euro team with a great scout. Feyenoord, usuallly. Willem II. Good lord, Seannie once wound up at Brentford.

Speaking of narcissism (weren't we?), the best young player in the game - the leader of that Golden Generation - is named after me. Yeah. Sorry. But there it is. An interesting aspect of CM/FM/WSM is the randomization of the attributes and personalities, so expect this blog to be as much about the glimmers of personality that shine through the slow interaction of the numbers. I absolutely love that shit, and I'm not sure why - if someone can figure that out for me, I'd love for that discussion to develop.

So, without further ado, the players Andrew Hauptman saw on that series of YouTube videos:

Seannie is 16, rightfooted attacking mid, keeps the ball on a string, passes anywhere, great ideas, incredible upside, and looks like he'll be starting before his 17th birthday. In a best case scenario, Blanco takes him under his wing. It's also possible Blanco could suck and he'll get pushed in early. I'd like to keep him under wraps for a while, but it seems a foregone conclusion that this kid will transfer in the January window after his 18th birthday. In every iteration, Seannie becomes one of the elite attacking midfielders in the world. This time, I have no idea. I pegged his passing, creativity, dribbling and technique, the rest is random.

Mama is short (5'5") but her striker technical stats are insane: 20s in long shots, first touch, creativity, 16s in finishing, heading and dribbling. Only average athleticism makes this believeable at all. Another 2-years-and-thanks-for-the-memories player. I think I pegged her first touch and long shots.

Kaia's the big strong striker to Mama's technical one. A finisher, though. In several of the iterations Kaia becomes a dominant striker. Pegged strength, stamina, finishing, anticipation (not sure about anticipation, honestly).

Lily is the balance to the group. First off, Lily is discovered at the ripe old age of 23 with his siblings, so he's ready to play immediately. Secondly, Lily is a thoughtful, cerebral hard-tackling midfielder, unlike the three scorching attacking talents above. Lily starts off the game on the radar of several Danish clubs no matter what you do, but the good news is he's very loyal and amenable to a long-term deal.

Anya is our class clown child, the labile one, the actress ... so of course, in the game Anya is a keeper. 20 Eccentricity! Yes! Get used to it, because he'll be world-class for about a quarter-century. This iteration may be the best one yet - some of the pure keeper stats are insane.

Kelly and Lebeau are family friends who appear in the game as a matching set of fullbacks. Like everyone else I added, they're better than I meant them to be.

A note: I really didn't mean to have the players be this good this early, but here we are and we'll deal with it - heh. The rest of the roster looks like this:

I've gone on a coach-recruiting binge, the results of which I'll post shortly. For now, I'll leave you with the work of my assistant manager, Mike Matkovic, who apparently believes that more games are better in the preseason - holy shit! He's arranged a game every two days for a couple of weeks there. Nutty.

It's nice to be right sometimes

2008-10-02T23:20:00.002-04:00

I've written before about my team in Trophy Manager, FC Flint Utd. I've written about my determination to make a West Ham- or River Plate-style football factory a reality in this virtual space.

Trophy Manager is a thoroughgoing sim of the finanace of a professional football club. I wanted to thrive basically wholly with homegrown talent. It's been ... difficult.

I started, way back in season 4 (it's now season 12) in the fourth division of American football, and the level of the club has grown incredibly. Varden Pomeroy was the promising young player in those days - he won the U21 player-of-the-year for league 4.1 in that first season. Now, he's a 27-year-old who's more coach than player. He hasn't made the matchday squad this season.

The team, as it is now, is almost entirely FC Flint academy products, and I'm a couple of decent results away from winning 3.5. In any case, it'll likely be back to the second division next season - we'll see if my boys have the two-promotions-in-two-years trick in them.

I've got a team loaded with attackers. My best player, though, is a defender, Phil Dickson, who is 20 and has a couple of USA caps to his name already - but I've got 3 strikers about that level around that age, a couple of other defenders, and an assssssload of midfielders. I'm excited to go back to the 2nd Division without my hat in my hand.

If anyone wants to look, here's my Trophy Manager team.

The most unlikeliest result of all the unlikely results

2008-09-17T02:23:00.002-04:00

Somehow, unlike in the real world, the English language won the football in my FastDice Soccer simulation. Here we are, ready for the final, and they're singing God Save the Queen (40 years on, what a story, who'dathunk, kin'abringsatearin'nit?) and ... I shit you not ... the Star-Spangled Banner. England v. USA, the mother country v. my mother country.

But first, a quick depiction of the semifinals I just simmed, while I can remember some of the ebb and flow ...

Argentina 0, England 1 a.e.t.

England surprised the confident Argentines by establishing a cerebral passing game and sticking with it. The Albiceleste defended well, but the English midfield duo of Gerrard and Lampard - so often disappointing when together in real life - were incredible in this game, completely unsettling Cambiasso, Riquelme et al.

England's dominance faded as the game went on, though, and the goal that seemed so close wouldn't come. The massive pro-England crowd grew pensive and pessimistic, and it wasn't hard to see the strain on the players' faces. As extra time beckoned, Argentina brought on England-killer Saviola for the inevitable dagger.

The dagger, though, when it came, was for the South Americans. Joe Cole's persistence in storming off the left flank paid off - his whistling diagonal pass slicing toward Rooney just past the spot; Maxi Rodriguez, hustling back into the penalty area, realizing the danger posed by the Rooney, contorting himself to leap at the pass. His desperate, glancing header. The ball in the top corner, in ultrasuper slomo in every television in the solar system. England in the World Cup Final.

USA 1, Spain 0

This one was conventional, if unlikely. Spain pinged the ball around a la Arsene's Arsenal, but (like that lovely outfit) didn't make all that much happen. The Spanish turned a nearly 4-1 possession advantage into a magical 4-3 lead in shots.

When the Spanish did break through - Fernando Torres in particular tortured the US defense for the entire 90 minutes - Kasey Keller was there, diving and tipping and just averting disaster.

This one might have gone the full two hours if it weren't for one magical finish. Brian Ching wrote his name into national lore when his screaming volley finished off a simple, clinical counter-attack for the Americans. (Play-by-play: Bocanegra to Reyna, Reyna pauses and steps into some space, Reyna with a direct ball to CHING!!! WONDERGOAL FROM CHING!!! was how it sounded in my head.)

So, in Excel spreadsheet simulations, english wins. yay english.

yay beer. boo angry ruling class.

Fast Dice World Cup '06: The Update

2008-09-14T22:53:00.002-04:00

I'm up to the semifinals of Copa Mundial '06, and it looks like this:

Argentina v. England
USA v. Spain

Yeah. USA v. Spain. I SWEAR! TO! GOD! I'm not cooking the frickin' numbers. I wondered about my influence as observer earlier - it goes deep. Check this out:

To get to the semis, the US had about the cushiest draw imaginable. Croatia and Japan laid absolute eggs in the group stage, and an average Australia team slipped through. The US dominated possession and slipped by with a single goal, 1-0, and on to the quarters.

I mean, holy shit, the quarterfinals of the World friggin' Cup. Who's it gonna be? Brazil? France? Italy? England? The Netherlands? Spain? Germany? Argentina?

Ehhhh, heh-heh. Heh. No. The USA settled down after beating the Aussies to take in the majesty of Switzerland v. Saudi Arabia. Yeah! The Bankers v. The Barons. Fantastic. The world was on pins and needles to see which branch of the oligarchy played us, lately the world's villains. This wasn't how we assumed it would be in 1982. The Swiss rang up two in the second half to win, 1-3.

So it was the Swiss for Uncle Sam's boys. Mastroeni sprung Beasley behind the D in the 74th, and good gosh a-mighty, the US is in the semis. Now Spain awaits - the first really good team the US has played since group. Weird.

Anyway, I'm gonna sim the rest, then post the whole shebang. Dig.

Good lord, I'm a dingo

2008-09-12T18:33:00.002-04:00

So today I'm posting a comment on Adam Spangler's This is American Soccer - which everyone should read immediately - and I follow my own name-link here, only to find that the last time I posted was almost exactly EIGHT MONTHS AGO.

Holy crap, am I a slacker. That, on top of being a slacker: Behold the birth of Slacknerd.

Yikes.

So, err, hi there everyone. (Meaning, of course, 'no one,' but whachagonnado?) I'll be back soon with updates on the FDS World Cup, my Trophy Manager experience, and other fun soccer-and-gaming stuff. If anyone wants to read it, well, it'll be free, so at least worth what you've paid for it.

The 'hot stove,' MLS Rumors, and you

2008-01-15T08:37:00.000-05:00

I came of age in the 80s. As a sports-aware, literate kid in that decade, I learned - like virtually everyone of that age and persuasion - the intensely geeky joy of 'rotisserie baseball,' as invented by the editors and writers of the national sports pages I read as often as possible. In turn, those men would refer constantly to the baseball off-season as the 'hot stove league,' when the minds behind the teams wheeled and dealed to move their club to the top of the heap.

For some reason, the naming has stuck, and ventured out past its original confines. Now even MLS - which didn't exist during my childhood - has its hot stove period: The January transfer window, when promising Americans flash doe-eyes at Europe and MLS general managers rack up frequent-flyer miles trying to find just the right South American to replace them.

I comb the usual suspects every morning for news: Soccer by Ives, Steve Goff's blog on the WaPo, du Nord ... and for the hot-stove period, add another name to the blogroll: MLS Rumors.

MLS Rumors is everything the others are not: Wild, irresponsible and reckless, which makes it a useful addition. The increasing traffic of players coming and going in the American game, and the increasing interest of the hardcore fanbase, cries out for a rumor-mill site, and damned if MLSR isn't pretty good. (You know you're cranking out quality rumorania when the traffic from South America jumps.)

So here's the FF seal of approval: MLS Rumors, I love ya.

Now, to the deals pending:

Eddie Johnson finally heading overseas, to Fulham. What's that, five Americans on the roster? How in the world can this be? McBride, Bocanegra, Dempsey, Keller and EJ. Wild.

The $3.2 million question: Can EJ marry his physical potential to some football intelligence, or will he just run around like a fool? If he can't improve with McBride, Boca and Demps easing the transition, and Premiership football on offer, then our man EJ is living inside the Jeff Cunningham Career Experience.

Hertha Berlin loves never-glimpsed DC United reserve Bryan Arguez. Yeah, the coach called Arguez a 'mini-Ronaldinho,' which is odd for a kid who plays linking midfield. DC sent him for offseason training and the Berliners are panting about a possible transfer.

Let me get this straight: DC had an 18-year-old on the roster with crazy ball skills, great vision, and enough bite to play holding mid, and he didn't play a a single fucking minute with the first team all season. Is that right?

If Hertha Berlin is right, and they sign the kid, it's hard to see how United and MLS won't have egg on their faces here. I mean, we hear all this talk about development initiatives. What the fuck?

TT is angry as hell and isn't gonna take it no more! By 'take it,' I mean continue making a mere 350k for the next four years, per his contract, instead of leaving for the $2 mil transfer to Preston North End in England. Twellman wants DP money to show the Revs 'value' him, since this is realistically his last chance to show his stuff in Europe, where the money's better.

See, as a guy who goes to work every day with exactly zero guarantees that I'm making even a fucking dime, it's hard for me to get crazy sympathetic with Twellman. My guess is he bitches and whines and then shows up and works hard for Stevie Nicol like always.

He may not have his good buddy, cracker-afro master Pat Noonan, by his side anymore, though. The Revs have passed on Noonan's option, making him a free agent. Why? I'm guessing it has to do with being cheaper than Ebenezer Scrooge. But who cares, right? The Pats are undefeated!!!!!!1!!

I loves me some Noonan. Here's to hoping that he and Michael Owen both get some hamstring-fixin' miracle cure.

USA wins group!

2008-01-04T09:40:00.001-05:00

So I played the USA's group games out of order. Whaddayagonnado? I was curious.

FANTASTIC final day of the group stage in Group E. Ghana and the USA played an entertaining 2-2 draw, which kept the USA undefeated and moved them top of the table with 5 points. Ghana finished with a disappointing three draws.

With that result in the can, it was winner-take-all in the final group game, Czech Republic vs. Italy. Italy was on two points, the Czech Republic on 1. A high-scoring draw would get Italy through to the knockout stages, while the Czechs needed to just win, baby.

It looked good for the Czechs at the halftime whistle, as they were leading 2-0. The Czechs then went into a counterattack mode, while Italy piled on the pressure. Del Piero gave the Italians hope in the 69th with a clinical volley, and Luca Toni sent the crowd in blue into raptures with his goal just before injury time.

But Italian hearts are made to be broken, and they were. Daniele de Rossi absolutely flattened Rosicky, and Marek Heinz stepped up with a slicing free kick that Zaccardo cleared past Buffon and into the net, ending Italy's participation in the group stages.

Awesome!

Now I've got to grind out the rest of the group games - but the US is through! What a difference from the real Cup. Reyna's been on fire, with 3 goals.

More as results come in. Anyone reading this? Heh.

Il Bruce + Fire = nausea

2008-01-03T09:11:00.000-05:00

Ives is reporting that Bruce Arena has thrown his hat in the ring for the vacant Chicago Fire job.

Ugggkkkk ... I just threw up in my mouth.

My God ... no.

I'm a former sports writer. One of my first big assignments was covering Indiana University basketball in the early 90s. Which means Bobby Knight.

So I've seen enough of arrogant ass-clown coaches who pretend that the inner workings of their sport are so arcane, so esoteric, that only with fellow coaches can they truly talk openly. Understand, I grew up in rural Indiana in the 70s and 80s, and there was no greater folk hero than Robert Montgomery Knight. But once I got around him a few times, I was appalled.

Which brings me to Il Bruce. Bruce seems to have found solace (like Bernd Schuster and others in the profession) in this type of arrogance-fueled double-talk. "You f--king journalists," he whines, like we grew up taking dictation from pompous assholes instead of watching, loving and learning about the game he coaches.

All of it is a dodge. It's a way to avoid responsibility for failure and a way to avoid admitting that sometimes success is the result of fortune, not the Coach's Master Plan.

So, please, no Bruce. I know he can coach a bit, but so can about 20,000 other men on the globe. Let's find one of them, one who's loved the game from childhood, not a self-important lacrosse convert.

26 games in and all to play for ...

2008-01-02T10:08:00.000-05:00

Let me just say, before I get down to talking about the early results in my FDS World Cup, that there are a lot of games in a World Cup final. I mean, I've simmed 26 games so far, and I'm just over halfway through the group stage. Still, some patterns are showing up.

Let's start with the group tables - ehhh, ok, no. Does anyone in the world want to read the entire group table of a not-yet-completed sim? I'm guessing no, especially as the tables in question were coming out in a special Blogger-vomit style.

So, let's talk through it.

Group A has been dominated by Germany, as expected. Ecuador's lifeless 2-1 capitulation to Costa Rica in the second round was something of a surprise. Germany's through, though; Costa Rica leads for the second slot, but anything can happen on the last group day.

Group B was, in the real world, supposed to be all about Sven vs. the Swedes - then Rio Ferdinand brought down Cornell Glen in the penalty area and Trinidad & Tobago spent the next 80-plus minutes with the team bus parked in front of the goal. Now proud England is going to need a result against the Swedes to limp into the knockout stages.

Group C is a real Group of Death, with Argentina, Holland, Ivory Coast and defense-masters Serbia & Montenegro on offer. Argentina has kept its nerve in two difficult games, squeezing out 1-0 wins in each, while Holland and the Ivory Coast have been up-and-down. Only S&M is out of it going into the third set of matches.

Group D should be all about Portugal and Mexico, and so far it is. If Mexico had scored from one of its many chances in the opening goalless draw against Iran, the group would be decided. As it is, the Mexicans need a point against Portugal to be certain.

Group E is the final group to have completed two matches, and what an inversion of reality this group has been. The USA has gotten fantastic performances from the players that struggled most in the real world cup, and the difference is dramatic: Instead of giving up 2 goals in the opening minutes, Oguchi Onyewu delivered a magisterial man-of-the-match performance against the Czech Republic as the Americans shut out the Czechs, 1-0. The USA only gave up one shot on goal in the game, and Claudio Reyna delivered a golazo free-kick in the 80th minute for the win.

In their second match, the US played rope-a-dope with Italy, and Donovan's 80th-minute counterpunch goal game the US Nats an invaluble point. Still, nothing is decided. The USA needs at least a draw with Ghana in its final match to be certain of moving on.

The rest of the groups have only played one game. The big shock there was Brazil's opening-game 1-1 draw with Croatia, but in a group that also features Australia and Japan, figure on the gold-and-green in the knockout rounds.

Looking over the results, I'm wondering about the quantum affect of me, as an observer, on this simulation. I mean, I'm not coaching the teams - I'm just loading them, running the sim, and noting the results. And still this is shaping up as the best World Cup performance ever for CONCACAF teams, a result that delights me. It's possible that all four North and Central American teams in the draw will be in the final 16- that's crazy.

More as results dictate.

Fast Dice Soccer (review)

2007-12-30T11:36:00.000-05:00

Fast Dice Soccer (FDS) is a dice-and-charts simulation of soccer. With it (and the thousands of lineups and players available online), one can simulate a match in about 15 minutes, from the coin toss to the last bit of stoppage time. I'm using it to replay the 2006 World Cup, as I mentioned below; now that I've got several games under my belt, I feel qualified to comment upon the gameplay.

In many ways, FDS is just not a game - it's a simulation, and its intention is versimilitude, not drama. I have a hard time picturing two players playing FDS together, as there is little opportunity to affect the action - think of it as simulating the frustration of a manager on the sideline. One can sub people in; one can tell them to play aggressively or behind the ball; and ... that's ... it.

The players, their abilities, and the vagaries of chance are going to dictate the outcome 95% of the time. To me, this is as it should be - a manager in football doesn't have the kind of intense control over players that we've come to expect in American sports. If you fancy yourself the next Lippi, Mourinho, or Ferguson, this sim could be frustrating.

On the other hand, if you're looking for a simulation that plays out like a well-edited Match of the Day presentation, well, here it is. A timing system determines when the next 'key play' takes place - think of the graphics on the bottom of the edited MotD ("14th minute"). Two players are selected who will skirmish in midfield; if the offensive team prevails, they move into the attacking zone, whereas the defender tries to break up play (or, occasionally, convert a 'win' into a counterattack).

From there, a type of attack is randomly selected. Typically this will be a challenge between attacker and defender on a specific skill - for example, dribbling vs. marking, or crossing vs. positioning - and this is where the flavor of the game resides. It's not hard for a footie-mad doofus like me to imagine what Lionel Messi winning a dribbling challenge means, y'know? Successful attacks lead to shots, and shots on goal lead to save attempts by the keeper. In other words, the flow of the game is simple, logical, and easy to follow.

A caveat: I have only played the game in its evolved state, as a series of spreadsheets and macros in Excel - not as the original dice-and-chart game. I'm guessing that the dice-and-chart game would be similar, but much more labor intensive and likely slower. Since the Excel version is free, I can't think of a reason not to use it, but if you're truly Olde Skewl, grab a 20-sider and a couple of 10s, print out the charts and have at it. I'd love to hear how it goes.

Bottom line: Fast Dice Soccer is a thorough yet quick simulation of the world's most popular sport, but it's not a game in the traditional sense. If you're looking for a soccer game to play with friends, I'd stick with Soccer Tactics World or The Beautiful Game; but if you're a fanatico like me, looking for a quick, extremely affordable (i.e., FREE) way to recreate past games or predict future ones, FDS is a great solution.

Just mention Sean sent you - heh.

The 2006 World Cup, Mk II

2007-12-29T02:15:00.000-05:00

The last World Cup was something like football nirvana for this midwestern soccer nerd - two or three games a day, starting in the late morning and running until early afternoon. A brunch with football - great football - every day. The kaleidoscope of supporters and playing styles and moments on the pitch ... it's hard to beat the World Cup, as a sporting event or cultural phenomenon.

So I came across this dice-and-chart soccer simulator called Fast Dice Soccer. It's available for free - you can download it here. (I use the Excel version - much faster.) And with this tool, I'm simulating the '06 Copa Mundial from the group stages onward. Will the USA suck from the get-go again? Can England break their big-game hex? Who will surprise the world implied by these results?

This is a lot of games! I'm grinding along. After the first round of games, a few results stand out.

The USA did not, in fact, suck from the get-go this time, beating the Czech Republic on a flawless Claudio Reyna free kick, 1-0.
Croatia held Brazil to a 1-1 draw. Cafu gave up a penalty to Dario Srna in the dying moments of the game, and Srna buried it to split the points.
England looked strong and capable in a 2-0 dismantling of Paraguay, unlike their uneasy 1-0 win in real life.
Spain made like a road grader against the Ukraine: 3-0, and it wasn't that close. Andrei Shevchenko had no fun whatsoever.

More from this as the results trickle in ...

More:

I will confess to simming the USA's next game first, and the Americans will LEAD THE GROUP after a gritty 1-1 draw with Italy. Landon Donovan played out of his mind in the last 20 minutes of the game, scoring the tying goal and threatening several other times. Buffon made a world-class save to deny Eddie Johnson at the death. Besides that, it was pure counterpunching - possession was 80 percent Italy.

The Long Game: My experiment with Trophy Manager

2007-12-27T08:51:00.000-05:00

So I've long entertained a fantasy of cobbling together a player development pipeline that becomes a source of great players for the USA. A pipe dream. And what are online manager games for, if not to make pipe dreams come true?

Enter Trophy Manager.

Trophy Manager (TM hereafter) is an online soccer management sim. The idea is that you, as the general manager of the team you create, are trying to steer the team to glory on the pitch and solvency off, with one usually aiding the other. Teams vie for promotion, compete in cups and league play, and buy and sell players in a raucous player-transfer market.

Like most online browser games, one can play for free indefinitely, but there is also a pay option. Paying customers don't get any direct competitive advantage (i.e., better players, or more money for payroll) - they just get better analysis tools and access to some data us freeloaders never see.

I founded my TM team, FC Flint Utd, about a year ago with the idea that I'd try something most manager-game players never get around to: Actually building a talent pipeline. Here was a game that promised to simulate the working of a large, well-funded youth system - more and better prospects, and more improvement for them along the way.

Could I make it work? Most manager games don't simulate youth development at all - you just get a random number of new 'youth players' at the beginning of each season or something. TM has 10 levels of both training facilities and youth programs, with the costs for expanding each going from affordable to holy-frickin'-god-we-need-to-sell-Wayne-Rooney-to-afford-this. Expansion also takes real-life time, so it's a real project.

I'm currently in my fifth season with FCFU, and ... it looks like it just might work. I was blessed at the outset with a group of talented older pros who've gotten Flint promoted from Divison 5 to Division 2, where we currently call home.

This season looked like the make-or-break one for the project. Two of my best old geezers retired out of the midfield, leaving me thin there, and several more older players needed replacing. The kids didn't look ready, but they'd have to play. And lo and behold, they responded. My strike force is 18 and 19, and is starting to score in bunches. Last game, all three defenders were academy products, including a 17-year-old.

After 20 games this season, FCFU is 8th in the table, which is fantastic considering the entire goal is to avoid relegation. Stay up, stay profitable, keep developing the young players until they're ready to move up all together. That's the dream, right? Find some guys and all get famous?

Maybe. Someday. We'll keep you posted.

This is the year that will be

2007-12-25T10:42:00.001-05:00

So it's Christmas morning. I'm waiting for the kids to get here and the jubilation to begin. And my mind turns, in its stubborn and obsessive way, to football.

Despite my recent performance of 'Silence,' I continue to be amazed and absorbed by the game. The end of the MLS season (shoutout to the nascent Dynamo dynasty - holla!) has seen me catching games only sporadically, as my work schedule doesn't allow much time early on match days. So my obsession has channeled into other directions, specifically 'fantasy football' of various stripes. And this morning, it struck me: gaming and football, and the intersection of them - that's my thing.

I can write vividly about sports, but that territory is plowed more regularly by people which much superior access. There's no access issue with simulations, or fantasy leagues, or manager leagues, or board games - I can give those a spin just as easily as the dude from Sports Illy with his degrees from (in order) Andover Prep, Brown and Columbia J-School.

So that's what I'm going to focus on here: Soccer and the many types of games it inspires. The ultras have their tifo displays, and us fanaticos have online competitions, manager leagues, homebrewed dice-and-charts games, football video games, coordination games, and a little something called Football Manager (a/k/a Championship Manager, a/k/a the Soul-Capturing Soccer Simulation). All of them are fascinating, and I'm going to take a look at all of them here.

So, without further ado, here's some things to look for in future posts:

The 2006 World Cup, replayed with a dice-and-chart sim called Fast Dice Soccer
Occasional updates on my entry in Pro Evo Football 2007's Master League, FC Sickday
Reviews of soccer games of all stripes, from elaborate commercial efforts to free homebrewed work
And some other stuff my reader suggests (ed note: corrected from 'my readers suggest' for accuracy)

Merry Christmas, Happy New Year, and all that.

More soon.

... and that last number was 'Silence,' by Spence ...

2007-12-25T10:38:00.000-05:00

... arranged for keyboard and TCP/IP. Playing time, 3 months, 12 days, give or take. First released in 1986 as 'Procrastination,' and developed periodically since. Several public airings prior to this 2007 effort. A singular creation.

St. Louis, you've got my (powerless) approval

2007-09-12T09:49:00.000-04:00

I know it's early in the game, but I think I'm in love with the St. Louis MLS expansion proposal. More like this, please.

If you haven't clicked the link, you're blowing it. I'm just sayin'.

I want to go work for these people. Seriously. See this part here?

Approximately 400 acres of new urbanism development including retail, office, and residential uses

That just makes me happy. Not only is it soccer, which I love, but it's also a mixed-use development, which is something of an obsession of mine.

I'm tarting up a resume to send these guys. Want an evangelist, gentlemen? 50k and moving expenses, and we're there, now. Heh.

Galaxy imitate black hole

2007-08-30T00:47:00.000-04:00

So I'm hoping LA can pull its shit together. Because the first 30 minutes I just watched of this Superliga final (featuring 12,500 thanks to the University rules - maaaaaaaaaan, isn't that just a kick in the nuts) was nothing but puerile nonsense from a team that should be better than this.

No snap, no clue, no touch, no movement, no grace. Beckham hitting gracely arcing 40-yard balls to teammates who can't shape the run to receive them. Donovan shrinking before our eyes, growing smaller and smaller with every little thing he just doesn't make happen. Then Beckham limps off with his new team in disarray, down 1-0, and I found something else to do in disgust.

Now, I'm writing this blind after an hour of playing Democracy (and it totally kicked ass, if you'd like to know). Hopefully, the next post will be me going, 'Holy shit! They pulled it off!' But right now, I'm doubting it.

This looks like a team in free fall. Lots of that pained concentration look, the Oops! I Crapped My Pants face, from every part of the field. Jesus, even Abel Xavier (who is somehow miraculously sober after a month in LA) has acquired that poop-face. They stab at the ball tentatively, as if it's going to turn against them. It's ugly, ugly, ugly.

And these are the MLS games the people all over the world are seeing. At this point, with the improvements in the better teams in the league, LA is poised to do their final frantic lap as the Washington Generals, not the Globetrotters. DC did drop the Superliga semi to LA, but that game looks increasingly an aberration after laying an egg in the superclasico against crosstown Chivas LA and fumbling through the opening third of this game.

Brits, I don't know why I care, but I sorta do - MLS is better than the Galaxy. I guess you'll see that for yourselves.

Shout out to Dallas, the armpit of the earth

2007-07-23T22:57:00.001-04:00

So I lived for nearly five years in Houston, and if there's one thing you learn in Houston, it's that Dallas is the WORST CITY ON THE PLANET. The people there only take a break from inbreeding when li'l Cletus is born with three eyes - y'know, that sort of thing.

That said, Dallas FC looks awfully damned good to these amateur eyes. Steve Morrow is building a team with flair in the front and cold steel in the middle, and that's lovely.

Word is Denilson is coming to join them. Denilson is one of the people who blew my mind in '98, and I loved the guy ... then he disappeared. If he's anything like the Denilson I remember, it's about time to buy my #8 Toja Hoops jersey.

Now crush Chivas in the Superliga, boys, and I'll get that jersey on order. Get to it!

Quantum physics improves MLS

2007-07-22T21:40:00.000-04:00

One of the sound bytes I remember most vividly from my childhood is from the 1972 Democratic Party Convention in Chicago. You remember the one - the hippies converging to make sure McGovern isn't marginalized, the protests, the police moving in with tear-gas cover.

The sound I'm talking about is that chant. You probably remember that, too: "The whole world is watching! The whole world is watching!"

Saturday and Sunday, the whole was watching two MLS teams play friendlies. Yesterday was the Galaxy, with Beckham taking center stage (gimpy ankle and all) vs. Chelsea's World All-Star lineup. Today was Chicago (that town again) playing Celtic in Chuahtemoc Blanco's first match in the colors.

And daaaaaaamn if the quantum physicists ain't right: Observers do affect outcomes.

I mean, take today's Fire v. Celtic match. Chicago has played the last eight weeks as if they're not sure what sport they're playing. The offense has been non-existent, the defending awful.

Blanco steps on the field, several thousands fans show up to really support, the new manager makes some lineup tweaks, and voila - the Fire are playing sound, smart, lovely football.

WTF? Where was this since May 1? If the Fire continue to play with this panache and intelligence, then Blanco was the best million bucks they've ever spent.

Saturday night, same thing with the Galaxy. Obviously outclassed athletically, Beckham's boys gave a classic corazon y huevos effort to push Chelsea's fellas a bit.

All I'm saying is, if those two teams, who've looked just dead in the water virtually all season, can suddenly find the plot, well ... this MLS season is looking up.

(Here's to DC getting Veron, and winning the next 12 on the trot. Heh.)

All-Star game - all fun, less filling

2007-07-20T00:09:00.000-04:00

Maybe the loveliest thing about the MLS All-Star game is that it doesn't mean a goddamned thing. Sure, MLS beat Celtic 2-0 tonight. Sure, MLS controlled the game, despite having about 3 hours practice time to get to know each other.

Who cares? Probably not the Brits, who'll dismiss it as a meaningless friendly. Probably not the inhabitants of American blogland soccerista, who'll recognize the sluggishness of thought and foot of the Celtic regulars. And probably not the Brand-Beckham American mainstream, who weren't watching, because Goldenballs was just hanging out watching, not actually making new posters on the field each moment.

Still, those of us who care waaaay too much about the future of the beautiful game in the USA are left reading the tea leaves from all these games. Here's what I got: You put the best players from MLS together, and they're fuckin' good. Period. The first half, with Stevie Nicol's starting XI, was a blowout - two goals for MLS - both by Columbians - and a nasty 12-1 advantage in shots.

Put plainly, Celtic was played off the pitch in the first 45 minutes. There's no other way to look at it. Blame it on preseason conditioning and touch, because Gordon Strachan's attempts to pre-blame the weather came to nothing when the game was delayed for lightning. I mean, the game was played in the low 70s, with a light rain. Drop that shit 5 degrees and it's late August in Glasgow. Gordie, dearie, look for another excuse.

Maybe he can focus on the fact that his destroyers are crap. Dwayne Derosario, late of a contract extension for the Dynamo, wiggled free time and again for MLS, finally getting his payoff when his lovely short through ball sent Juan Pablo Angel free for the opener.

The two Colombians were quality all game. Angel took his goal superbly, and demonstrated his ability to arrive in the right place at the right time about two minutes later, when his flash header sailed high.

Juan Carlos Toja was absolutely omnipresent. I mean, in the 84th minute of a friendly, there's Toja, chasing down a crappy ball from a Celtic defender, forcing a throw for MLS. Ridiculous. His goal was a bit of luck, as a free kick got knocked down in front of him, but he had the composure and touch to control the ball and lash home the security goal before halftime.

After that, it was all fun. I dunno. Part of me wants this thing to go away, and another part of me relishes the chance to send the Europosers scurrying once a year. Yeah, that's right, Europosers - this game has given you nothin' but heartburn. Three years ago, Fulham got owned, 4-1, and was lucky to escape with that score. Two years ago, the Hoops, again, 3-0. Last year, Chelsea, 1-0 (two days after DC United smoked Celtic 4-0) ... and here's this.

I know, I know. It's preseason. They're just trying to get fitness. It's just a runout.

Scoreboard, motherfuckers. Scoreboard. The beautiful game is alive and well in the USA.

Impressed by Dah Hoops

2007-07-01T09:56:00.000-04:00

So the one match I got to watch this weekend was a scoreless draw, (Dallas 0-0 Houston) but damned if I didn't enjoy the game.

Both teams looked very crisp - this wasn't one of those MLS games where every second pass is to no-one. The Dallas midfield, in particular, looks nasty, with Toja running everywhere and Richetti just smooth as silk as a classic destroyer.

The Hoops certainly miss Kenny Cooper. Ruiz has never impressed me as a lone forward, and yeah, I know, Dominic Oduro was his 'partner,' but those two have the chemistry of Sid and Nancy. Ugly.

Alrighty. I'm off to serve fresh, simple, delicious Italian food in a comfortable, homelike setting. Please tip generously.

A gulf in class

2007-06-29T15:52:00.000-04:00

Like I said a few posts down, I grew up in the Hoosier heartland. I had a hoop in the backyard, and it was normal for me to go outside after school and play Lakers v. Celtics for championship of the free world for a couple of hours every day, even in the winter, when gloves and stomped-down snow made dribbling an interesting challenge.

My high school had about 350 people in four grades (so, about 170 boys). Lafayette Jefferson, the high school that hosted our sectional tournament, had around 800 people per grade - in other words, about a 10-to-1 population advantage. Until the state split the Grand Olde Tourney into classifications, my alma mater never won the sectional, which was the first stage of the tournament (sectional, regional, semistate, state, as good Hoosiers know).

All of which is to say I understand how the US boys felt against Argentina last night. I know how it feels to smear yourself all over the place, leaving exhausted, cramping, and still have to swallow that your very very best was just good enough to entertain the favorites while they trolled along in second gear.

I'm just hoping that the USA triumphalism is slowed down a bit. Hey, I loved the Gold Cup Final, too - it was brilliant, blistering, edge-of-the-seat stuff. And we won, thanks to an absolute golazo by Benny Feilhaber. But, sheesh. It's not a victory for truth, or justice, or even the American Way.

I mean, we're a nation, like every other. We aren't specially blessed by God or Zeus to win sporting events. That's one of the reason I like watching international footie: The USA can't just wade in and stomp everyone flat. We're behind the great nations, a long way behind, and our team has to evince a smidgen of selflessness and hard work to compete.

Even then, sometimes, the big guys glide right past. We've got a long way to go, and I couldn't be more delighted. If the USA can put a first 14 like Argentina put out there in my lifetime I may expire from delight.

Until then, boys, pass and pick away. Heh.

Yeah, yeah, it's been a while

2007-06-29T15:48:00.000-04:00

My zero (0) readers will be delighted to know that I am still alive and watching the beautiful game.

Thanks for your concern, non-existent adoring public!

USA! ... (Chivas) USA!

2007-06-09T22:34:00.000-04:00

After a bit of real-life difficulty, it was nice to take in a lovely little double-dip of footie this evening.

First, it was the USA's 2-0 knockabout with Trinidad AND Tobago. (That's right, we took on two whole teeny tiny island nations and emerged victorious. Brah-vo.) Then, after a brief interlude, Chivas USA worked a beautiful goal to break the teeny tiny hearts of a very young, very game Chicago side, 0-1, at Toyota Park.

There was a lot to like about the USA's win, I thought. The US played a completely different lineup than in the 1-0 opening win over Guatemala; Christopher Sullivan, on the Fox MLS broadcast, said the USA 'played the match like winners.' That's the kind of thing you see from big nations with great depth - Brazil, Argentina come to mind. They're so confident that they'll make it through group stages that they'll rotate guys, get everyone a lot of touches, keep everyone fresh.

I mean, look at Landon Donovan in the second half. Now, I gotta admit that Sarah and I frequently indulge in the satisfying pastime of Lando-bashing. Usually, such bashing centers around this infamous gay-porn shot of Lando the moist-lipped:

.

.

.

I'm sorry, Lando. I had to post it. It's for your own good.

My point, err, gay-porn King of Kurlifawnya or not, the man is fast. I mean, really fast. And, against these minnows, he's cool like Cruyff, just surveying the field, directing the play, exploding into space. The Trinidad defenders had the look of men struggling not to shit themselves.

The second-half goal was a thing of beauty: USA up 1-0, but T&T with a corner. They're pressing for a tie and a vital point; everyone's forward except the two outside backs, who are playing centerfield. They serve in a flat corner, someone gets a grazed header on it, and the ball falls to Donovan in the arc.

His first touch sprays the ball into the acres of space on the vacated right side. His second finds Ching posting up at midfield; Ching plays a lovely soft ball back into space, encouraging Donovan to turn on the jets.

This is where the Pepto-Bismol faces came out for T&T. The two defenders, just a breath ago 15 yards behind everyone, are now flat with a jet-propelled Lando and fading. They break into a dogged sprint and hope Donovan blows it.

Then it gets extra nice. Donovan slows, as if lining up a shot. Indeed, it seems like he could probably go far corner on the goalkeeper at will. But no ... Eddie Johnson, who's played the whole game and played well, has make a screaming run down the left channel. Donovan's centering pass was smilingly volleyed home by Johnson, and game over, group stage completed, thank you for coming.

So unselfish. So technical, smooth and simple. The kid can play, that Donovan. Encouraging that the US is undefeated, and he's gotten some rest.

I could go on a bit, and I may more later. Feilhaber looks like the real thing to me - he's creative, and the US midfield is parched for creativity like a Fremen left on open sand without a suit. (Shout out to Dune fans - holla! Ok, I don't know why I did that.) Mapp was lovely, showing a good touch and sense of space.

And this just in: The best Hoosier footballer evah - DaMarcus Beasley from Fort Wayne, Indiana. I have a feeling the Bease is gonna be around awhile, assuming he stays healthy. He's fast, which is valuable, and he's learning all the time. He works hard when pressing, and is defensively solid for slashing offensive player.

The second game was frustrating to me, as a Fire backer. The home side obviously has an idea how they want to play, and it's attractive football. They're reacting better tactically as the game progresses, too.

Thing is, this was, like, the Fire B+ team. I mean, this is the lineup I'd expect to see in the preseason vs. the Seattle Sounders or something.

Gutierrez was good, and in some ways represents an upgrade at that DM position to Armas. His intelligent early passes to the wings really opened Chivas up in the middle parts of the first half. Unfortunately, those passes were going to Brian Plotkin, Calen Carr and Orlando Perez, not Justin Mapp (Gold Cup), Chris Rolfe (ankle injury) and Ivan Guerrero (Gold Cup). The next pass was regularly disappointing.

Chad Barrett needs to get a clue how to combine. Waiting to do one Rooney-esque Chad Diesel run each half isn't enough. If he had Rolfe's brain, he'd be playing for Everton.

Fire-fan bitching aside, the goal was lovely. Maykel Galindo, who is just quality, finished a one-touch passing combination with a velvety layoff for Paulo Nagamura, who lashed the thing home far-post like he'd done it before.

He hadn't, oddly. Nagamura is a player I always look for in Championship Manager - you can trade for him cheap, and he's an effective destroyer. Because of that, I watch his career in real life with interest. And, y'know, he looks like the CM Paulo this year: Great anticipation, movement off the ball, and positioning; decent touch and passing ability. He fits with Chivas USA, and more power to him.

The beautiful game is always fascinating. More in a bit.

DCU needs to fire up the siren

2007-06-05T10:34:00.000-04:00

I live in the middle of a small midwestern town. About 150 feet from my house, there's a 20-foot tower with a series of cones attached to it. It's a little rusted, and it's clearly been there a while. At the foot of it, if you know where to look, there's a 50s-era Civil Defense placard.

Whenever the local fire department has a call, those cones become the fuckin' Mouth of Sauron. WooOOOOoooOOOOooooOOoooOOOOoooOOOoooo... on and on and on, sometimes for a full minute. And it's LOUD. With the doors and windows closed, it becomes difficult to talk; in the summer, when the house is open, it's basically impossible.

All of which is to say that I agree with bdr's analysis of the situation. It's time for the sirens to go off around DCU headquarters - Red Bull isn't just hot, they're also for real. They're not losing anyone to the Gold Cup, either.

Sure, DC hasn't lost in five games. That's good. But the team is playing with a noticeable lack of cutting edge. As Christopher Sullivan would say, "there's a lack of synchonization with the timing of the runs between the lines." The midfield, except for Gomez, doesn't seem as confident with positive play as last year.

I don't want to get off on a rant, but Moreno's work rate recently - never his hallmark - has sunk to the level of parody. As much as I hate the idea of the world's superstars half-assing into retirement as DPs in MLS, I'm equally un-keen about MLS superstars doing likewise as captains of United.

I love Jaime. I respect the work he's done. But you know what? I'm 38. I earn most of my money waiting tables. It's physical work, tiring, all that. And if I don't do the work that my 20-year-old peers do, then I don't get paid.

No, I'm not in the top .002% or whatever of my skillset, the way a professional athlete is. And no, I'm not comparing the demands of my work against that of a professional footballer.

What I am saying is: Don't tell me you don't have to do the dirty work now that you're 33, El Capitan. This is a possession team that is fluid when it's playing well. Part of that is, the forwards have to pressure the opposing backs, so they can't pick out open passes while DC regains shape.

Can't hack it? Maybe it's time to play 30 minutes a game. Sorry, it's a hard old world.

Portrait of the Blogger as an aging man

2007-05-27T22:21:00.000-04:00

So I'm 38. I'm a white male. I grew up in what was, looking back, a fairly idyllic setting: A small town in Indiana. Rural. Knew everyone by name.

I was something a bit different. I got the knack of reading early, and my parents were teachers. I was the smart kid. I thought I was godlike. (Turns out I was, which is cool, and everyone else is too, which wasn't what I was originally thinkin', but is also very cool.) High school was hard on me.

Graduated with 89 people from a high school that never won a frickin' sectional (the first round tournament) in uptemillion years in the old-school, single-elimination high school tournament.
If you don't know, there are now classes in Indiana's basketball tournament, just like every other state out there. Those lazy assholes from Illinois who don't play any fucking defense are in the same kind of tournament as us. It's disgusting.

I think of Hoosiers as basketballing Spartans: Bred from infancy to optimize the jab step, the back cut, the quick mid-range jumper - everything necessary and unromantic of the game. A sort of distillation of White Guy Ball.

Don't leave your feet.

Watch the other guy's chest.

Pass and pick away.

Every time we played soccer, I went from number 10 in the class to number 1. I don't know why. I always felt connected to this game somehow. (Yeah, dredge this up in a few years. I'll blame it on the meds.) I particularly remember instinctively playing what I now think of as stopper as a 10 year old. I dunno. Here's your salt lick, you grain-of-salt-needin' person, you.

So. That's me. Gaming nerd. Sports writer. Lover of football on every level save the physical (heh).

Keyboard! ... and, Chivas throttles Dallas

2007-05-27T00:47:00.000-04:00

So, yeah. My keyboard was screwed up. I bought a new one. It seems to work! Lovely.

Just watched Chivas beat Dallas in front of - what? Maybe 5 thousand? Erk. Seems like the goats of this very promising and interesting (so far) MLS season are the ticket-selling nerds, who've shit the bed consistently in New York, Chicago, Kansas City, Dallas and LA (for Chivas, anyway).

Good news is, the football's getting better. Quickly! I'm blown away to see MLS teams do some of the little things. Preki's halftime adjustments completely discombobulated the Hoops - jamming Toja and Richetti with early pressure knocked them off stride, and changing the rhythm of the passing game suddenly made everything click.

Galindo scored the first goal with sheer doggedness and fight. A series of 50/50 balls saw the pelota arc toward Alex Yi, and Galindo battled him for the ball, lost, and chased down Goodson's wayward first touch. His right-footed finish was thunderous, from 25 yards.

That was nothing on the goal he nearly scored in the opening minutes of the game. The quicksilver Cuban spotted Clarence Goodson five yards and then just ran him down in about 12 strides, getting to the ball an instant before Goodson could clear. His impulsive first-time volley left Dallas keeper Dario Sala flat-footed, slicing to upper 90 of the far corner - and bouncing away. Just an inch, and that goal is on every highlight program everywhere.

I could do a whole thing about that goal as a metaphor for where MLS is right now, but it would be bullshit, and I'm not getting paid to do this, so at least I can do it with a minimum of bullshit.

I just watched a good game. That's where I'm at.

I'm worried for Bruce (Holy Red Bull)

2007-04-21T21:34:00.000-04:00

I'm worried for Bruce. See, it's working, this project of his, working like one of those perfect games of Championship Manager - the young kid just keeps getting better and better, and what's the limit? The old pro returns home, and within a month you can feel the team moving in response to the intuitions from his marvelous football brain. The throwaway winger turns out to be a zealot. The unknown draftee jumps right into the lineup and brings the crowd to their feet. Bruce smirks.

Now's the big moment: The Big Transfer. And he nails it, looks like. Don't be surprised if the Big Transfer scores a lot of goals.

Here's the thing: I'm worried for Bruce. It's working. Is it possible to die of smugness? I think we're about to find out. Bruce's levels of smugness could very well be lethal to himself and others.

x x x

Even with Cleetus re-emerging and tossing aside the promising ClintMathis, RedBull handled Houston at home tonight, 1-0, and looked damned good doing so. I mean, damned good. Every player on that team is playing at a high level. (Except Cleetus, who managed a missed PK and a red card in 30 minutes of 'play'.)

Altidore looked like he could start the next couple of World Cups for the the red-white-and-blue. Seriously. To have the strength to play against 'Poleaxe' Eddie Robinson for 72 minutes, fighting alone for every searching ball after Cleetus took his shower, and still have the spring, touch and composure he displayed on the goal - that's not something I've seen from a USA striker, basically ever. He's not scrappy. He's dominant. There's a really, really big difference.

Reyna's brain, as mentioned, has begun its Menton phase. How else to explain Red Bull playing with a perceivable rhythm, with a sense of poise? This was a team that, however talented the lineup in theory, always seemed to have a bit of kick-the-can going. Suddenly, add in Claudio as the pivota, and they're all smooth and cool. Incredible.

Out, damned Yanqui (followup on the CCC)

2007-04-20T09:46:00.000-04:00

So our boys went out, but not meekly. Guess that's something.

I thought DC played its best game of the young season in Guadalajara, but Perkins couldn't squeeze the orange in a downpour, and Chivas moved on.

Early in the season, it looks like the bets the DC front office made with the most confidence are the ones they should have hedged. I'm looking at you, Troy Perkins. I'm looking at you, entire freakin' defense. And there's still no great two-way option on the wing.

That said, I think DC is still just a couple of players catching their form away from being very difficult to beat. Brian Carroll, particularly, was the invisible wall last season. This year he's just not there, mentally or physically. Either he's struggling with something outside of football or he's in a playing funk.

Did he get some hard words during his trials that shook him? Or is he as mystified by his step-slow thought process and sloppy, choppy tackling as everyone else? Or which of a million other scenarios is playing out right now? It's interesting to think about, but ultimately fruitless. All we can do is watch, and hope, and cheer a bit when appropriate. Hopefully DC rounds into form and makes the East the dogfight it looks like it could be. (More on that above, I think.)

Houston forged that 2-0 lead at home, then succumbed to swashbuckling Pachuca in extra time, 5-2. Pachuca suits decided to just throw open the gates, and the result was a cross between the classic football cauldron atmosphere and a really cool street party.

The game was everything it should have been, with Pachuca throwing everything forward, and Houston playing a canny counter game. The Dynamo showed great heart and huevos to keep the home side on edge, but it was hard to feel bad about losing to a team that played the way Pachuca did. Christian Gimenez, in particular, was incredible.

So. Los Yanquis are out. I grew up a Cubs fan - I know there's always next year.

The week that was, April 3-8

2007-04-09T09:16:00.000-04:00

Well, I made it through this week of disappointment, but only just.

Tuesday evening: Champions Cup semi, leg 2
Chivas 2, DC United 1 - Chivas 3-2 on aggregate

As good as we MLS-heads like to think our best teams are - and I think they're capable of real quality - even the best MLS team is woefully inexperienced in what I think of as the Liverpool Longshot. Winning, in a boiling foreign cauldron, in a knockout competition.

Until DC took the lead (on Moreno's spectacular improvization), they were controlling the tempo, keeping the ball neatly. The rollicking Goats crowd had started to sound a little uneasy - this wasn't the awkward, forceful Gringoball they'd been expecting.

What killed DC was that immediate answer from friggin' Bofo Bautista. That's one of the hoariest cliches in the book: "You're most vulnerable right after you score." If you want to pull off a Liverpool Longshot, you guard that 1-goal lead like it's the heir to the throne. You ride out the five or 10 minutes of fury the home team's gonna give you.

Or you don't. And you lose.

As you can see, I'm not going to go all blame-tacular on Troy Perkins here. Yes, he should stop that shot. No, it's not just one of those things. But every player has moments where they fail, and Troy has had precious few. It cost DC a bit. Maybe he'll get better because of it.

But it's that first goal that cost you the deal, in my opinion. A battle-tested championship side steps on Chivas' neck at that point, but DC couldn't. On to MLS ...

Thursday evening: Champions Cup semi, leg 2
Pachua 5, Houston Dynamo 2 in extra time - Pachuca 5-4 on aggregate

If Tuesday wasn't enough heartbreak, Houston loses in extra time to Pachuca. Hard to be real upset about this one, though - it was stirring stuff as time wound down: Pachuca equalizing, and the packed house rocking. Ching suddenly wide open on a set piece (when are you most vulnerable again?), and Houston's got the lead with less than 5 minutes left.

Then the equalizer. Then Gimenez' golazo equalizer. Incredible attacking flair from Pachuca, who demonstrated why they're tearing up the Mexican Torneo Clausura. And from the Dynamo, sprinkles of skill and wisdom despite suffering horribly over the last 60 minutes in the thin Mexico City air. Gritty.

Still, disappointing. The much-debated gap between MFL and MLS play isn't as large as it once was, but it's still there. There's not a team in MLS with the attacking weapons Pachuca has at its disposal, or the guile and opportunism of Chivas.

Which leads us to the third disappointment of the week:

Saturday afternoon: MLS torneo (regular-season) opener
Colorado 2, DC United 1

Yagottabefugginkiddinme. Getafuggouddahere.

So DC shows up in Colorado, and I suppose they were thinking about how much fun it's going to be to kick the crap out of Colorado after playing those tough, tough Mexicans.

Two problems: (1) DC never wins in the mountains; and (2) meet your wings, Justin Moose and Stephen DeRoux. Oh, and (3) Kyle Beckerman.

Colorado doesn't have Bofo Bautista, but it does have an incredible box-to-box midfielder in Beckerman. The Rapids came out like an actual, professional side, imbued with not only athletic ability but a plan. And Beckerman made it happen. His influence, along with that of second-have sub/captain Pablo Mastroeni, were enough to shut down the five-man midfield engine of United.

DC fans will have little choice but to memorize this gameplan, as we'll surely see it again and again until it fails: Jam the midfield. Stuff anyone with a tan. Switch the point of play quickly. Release long balls into the attacking wings. Stretch the 3-man backline, skipping over the twin destroyers completely.

The Rapids impressed me, and probably everyone else watching. Gomez gives Nico Hernandez someone to play his clever balls to. And Terry Cooke can play until he's 40 if he can cross the ball with that cutting regularity.

So. A week of disappointment. Still, this is football - the disappointment is just one of the flavors. Without the bitter, you can't truly taste the sweet. So I'll take it.

* I also watched Chivas USA v. Toronto, but I'm going with another post on that one. So. Yeah.

A chance to break through

2007-04-02T22:43:00.001-04:00

I work in a restaurant - you've been to it, or one much like it, if you live in the U.S.A. It's the one where they immediately adopt you as 'family' for the length of your stay. (Yes, of course you can have more breadsticks.)

At my restaurant, approximately half of the kitchen staff is comprised of one family of Mexican folks - no, I'm not kidding. It's not uncommon to close the kitchen with brothers Maxiimo, Elias and Brigido on the line, their sister Julieta and mother Maria in the dish tank, and Elias' wife, Carolina, closing down the service area.

So I've been talking up MLS to these guys, and they've been ... I don't want to say condescending. Let's just say they're reserving judgment. There's been a lot more news on the TV about MLS, I know, because one of the huge Mexican networks is showing the games live. (Remind me to write about the upcoming MLS/Mexican quasi-merger. Yeah, you heard it here third!)

Anyway, without putting too much of a point on it, they're pretty sure that we really fuckin' suck. They're sure that any 8 donkeys from the slums of Mexico City (their home town) could humiliate an arrogant Yanqui Seleccion, if the refs weren't bought and sold by the big money-northerners. We have touch of volcanic granite, grace of arthritic orangutan, thought of selfish bambino. We eat the sausage, eternally.

So that's a hill to climb. The Talking Point (i.e., Beckham's impending arrival, which prompted even my parents to inquire) has helped, as has the three-week slo-mo signing of Blanco, whom Brigido loves.

Elias is the main one, though - the middle one, the shrewd one, whip-smart. He asks how MLS does against Mexican teams. I had talked about DC United - have they played any Mexican teams? Just so he could compare in his head. I understood completely. You had to see the look on his face as he said it: head tilted back, eyes unfocused, imagining the play changing with the things I said. A bit embarrassing to list that Pumas whipping as the last DC United foray into Mexico.

I stammered out some excuses, which I know to be legit but which I knew to sound lame, and Elias responded with appropriate levels of mirthful scorn. Then I turned the situation to my advantage: United is playing Tuesday night in Mexico, as it turns out, playing Chivas de Guadalajara out in Baja California. It'll be on TV! Fox Soccer Channel!

"Fox en Espanol?" Sure. That too.

Then I mention Pachuca hosting Houston Wednesday. Suddenly Elias is interested - Pachuca, that's his team. They're from Mexico City, which I didn't know. I'd assumed that Elias was a Club America man. Fuck. No wonder he wasn't whackin' it over Cuauhtemoc Blanco.

I explain, my voice carefully neutral, that Houston leads 2-0 after the first leg. Elias looks surprised, but doesn't say much.

Please, oh please, oh please, let our boys come through. Thank you. Amen.

[WWSM] Through the Looking Glass with US soccer

2007-02-07T13:34:00.000-05:00

So I love, love, love me some Worldwide Soccer Manager. The game is the North American name for Football Manager, nee Championship Manager - the geekiest, most-accurate simulation game in the universe. In it, you assume control of a real-life club or nation, and manage the real-life players, with their real-life strengths and weaknesses, personality limitations, quirks, egocentricity ... yeah, it's insane. I love the game. I can play it for 12 hours at a stretch fairly easily.

One interesting aspect to the game, if you're a complete nerd like me, is that you can modify the database, to create 'what-if' scenarios. I decided to see what the future held for the US Nats - the future, in this case, being the 07 Gold Cup & Copa America, with a look toward the '10 World Cup.

Here's some bonus nerdiness: I think of these games as being the results of a possible universe that splits off from ours at the start date. Yeah, I'm like that.

With Bob Bradley at the helm, the mirror-universe USMNT sailed through the first round of the Gold Cup, going undefeated and outscoring all and sundry 11-0.

Mexico was the first big name to stumble, falling to Panama, 1-0, in the quarters. Sanchez quit in fury immediately after the game, and Mexico quickly hired ... Ricardo LaVolpe, the man he replaced! Delightful.

The US didn't bring home the Cup, though, losing badly to a suddenly red-hot Costa Rica in the finals, 3-1. This after staggering to a nil draw with Canada, and winning on penalties only because the Canadians put only two of five shots on frame. Bradley was fired after the final, and the mirror-universe Sunil Gulati hired the coach of the Seattle USL team. Yeah, seriously.

That's a bummer. Mexico eats the fuckin' sausage in the quarters and we still don't win the Gold Cup? Christ on a cracker. We're number 42! We're number 42!

Wonder what the fussbalmeister Klinnsman would do? I'll tell you: He basically ate it, too. He steered the US through the Gold Cup rather ... uhh ... pragmatically. The US style disintegrated to the point of parody - lung-bursting runs after hopeless balls, lots of defense, lots of scrapping, a lone goal on a counter. As ugly, brutal and effective as mercantilism.

In this shadow realm, Copa America was Jurgen's Waterloo - the South Americans' took our offer of a faster tempo at face value, and simply played right past the stunned USA. Dempsey got
hurt in the first 10 minutes of group play. Lando disappeared as usual. Gooch gave up two penalties in the first three games.

Sunil fired Klinnsman, and hired ... Brian Schmetzer, coach of the Seattle Sounders of the USL. The. Same. Guy.

Sometimes it's fate, I guess. Whoever has the reins now, they're just holding them for ol' Schmetzy.

Where were we now?

2007-02-07T12:56:00.000-05:00

Whuh? Wha? Whuh ... ahhh ... where were we?

Ah yes - the USA was unimpressively whompin' Denmark, 3-1.

Since then ... well ... had Beckham signed at that point? Because that's about it. The DP thing has been a non-issue for the rest of the teams in the league. Oh, sure, rumors have swirled - Zizou to NYC, Rivaldo to ... somewhere that isn't Pachuca - but no friggin' climax.

The schedule came out yesterday, and all the MLS teams are in camp now. DC, in particular, is getting tuned up fast, as they open the CONCACAF Champions' Cup against Honduran club CD Olimpia, AWAY, on February 21. Their only big addition so far this offseason has been Olimpia's stud striker, which scores high in my book. Seems like the kind of cutthroat, effective measure that huge Euro teams have perfected in continental competition, and as such, it delights me to see DC United get their knives out for this tournament, if that's what this is.

But right now we're in the middle of an absolutely sumptuous international break. Yesterday, Portugal, captained by noted whinerbaby Cristiano Ronaldo, bested Brazil, 2-0. Cristi-Ron may be a punk-ass bitch, but he also is playing on a higher plane than virtually everyone else on the planet. He's dangerous every touch right now.

In a few minutes, I'm going to kick back in and take in England v. Spain. Rooney's hurt, but I Cesc Fabregas isn't, I think. Either way, a lovely game between two traditional powers.

Tonight, though, is the main event. USA v. Mexico in Arizona. The crowd will be hostile, and brand-new Mexico coach Hugo Sanchez campaigned for the job by ridiculing predecessor LaVolpe's record against the Red, White and Blue. He's called in every Mexie player in the universe.

Hardworkin' Bob's called in Clint Dempsey, Bobby Convey and Carlos Bocanegra to add to the MLS Select Blend that we served up to the Danes.

I'm guessing 3-1, Mexico, as they score north of the border for the first time in 8 games. My guess for goat: Chris Albright.

I hope I'm wrong.

3-1, but not the most fun

2007-01-20T19:39:00.000-05:00

Exciting times to be a USA fan, it seems to me.

And Bob Bradley? Well, he's always looked to me a little bit like The Gunslinger, y'know? If the young players we're developing turn into studs, he'll be well-positioned to cash in on his Wild West look overseas - the cowboy coach of the USA. Love it.

Of course, they'd have to photoshop in the fuckin' cowboy duds over his coaching sweats. I'm sure he has a few old pairs of those Bike coaching shorts, ones that are really worn down, that he wears to sleep in.

I love that about him - he's a coach's coach, a guy who loves the game and building a team in almost a spiritual way. I knew a few guys like that covering high school sports in Indiana - guys who'd spend every night all winter going through video tapes of games, diagramming plays, blocking patterns, thinking, drawing. You knew them because their teams were vibrant, represented a clear idea, and (more often than not) they were winners.

Bob's teams have always expressed an idea, too, it seems to me. A few ideas: Work hard, close down the space, pass the ball quickly, play right at 'em. Now, as it happens, those ideas are precisely what most American players are pretty good at, so I hope it's a good fit. We'll see.

I have to say 'We'll see,' instead of 'Sure looks that way,' because today's 3-1 scrum with the Danes was a bit ehhhhhh. I know, I know, there's all kinds of reasons to feel good about it. There's plenty of excuses to smooth the rough spots. It's just that ... blmp.

Excuse me. Just threw up in my mouth.

I think it's because we're still running out there in a fucking Box 4-4-2, still trotting out Lando as the Activator to EJ's Jeri-Curl in that sad, tired formation. That wasn't the only problem, of course - we still have some issues with basics. The passing was erratic, with extra hilarious clown-car-type footage from EJ. The collective touch of the US, never its strong suit, was an extra tick leaden from offseason rust.

Here's the thing: the Box 4-4-2 is Brazil's formation. They put artists in the front four, with yeoman at the back of midfield and in the center of defense. The artists use all the 'extra' space on the wings as blank canvas, with occasional slashing forays up-canvas by the fullbacks. It's lovely, it's simple, and it leaves a lot of room to improvise.

We play the Box 4-4-2 as the Lando Show, and when (as it does so often) His Pussy Hurts, well, we look pretty crappy. Not that he got a lot of help among the other 'artists' up there. EJ seems to have left his brain somewhere in CONCACAF qualies. Someone look it up - did he score a brace against Haiti or something? Do we need to get together some rum, cigars, and brown sugar for an offering or something?

Seriously. EJ has lost his brain. One of the things I found most exciting about him (when I found him exciting) was the fact that he could obviously think along with the game a little. He was starting to understand how to move off the ball, how to create space for himself and for others. Now he's someone's voudoun pincushion, and he's wandering around out there like an autistic kid playing at a U9 tournament.

Jacqua - wow. He didn't look good. Looked slow on the uptake, slow in the turn. He is tall and strong, which is nice when the ball is in the air. I'm guessing the Danish keeper wasn't psyched to get cross-body blocked by Sir Nate the Tall in the 10th - nice way to get your feet under you.

Chris Rolfe gets a start ... in fucking midfield! I mean, prior to this game I had never seen Rolfe mark anyone. I'm not sure I have yet. I'm a Rolfe fan, though - we need some players with vision, technique, and skill. I mean, there's diminishing returns on another touchless speed merchant. Give me someone shifty, someone clever. And Rolfe has a nasty heavy shot.

I think I just realized what Bob had in mind with Chris: Paul Scholes. If my surmise is in the neighborhood, that's really cool. I'd love to see Chris pattern his game in that way. Scholes is much more direct than Rolfe, though.

Which leads me to the players who broke the game open: Some artists who made art. Justin Mapp, take a bow.

Wynalda was right on this one as it happened: Mapp did what Lando wouldn't do. Mapp took on defenders and tried to unbalance the defense.

So rude! But it's the point of being an offensive player. Either you're trying to unbalance their defense, or you're trying to put yours right, or you're fucking wanking. Lando does far too much wanking for a player of his caliber, imo.

If you're one of those people who doesn't watch MLS, so you've never seen Mapp, understand this: This is preseason. He beats 2-3 defenders (just like today) about 20 times a game (but with much better touch, quicker) for the Chicago Fire. I think we're going to see much more from Mapp during this WC cycle.

Cooper deserved his goal, and took it like the totally seasoned pro he is. He heard the pursuit, measured his time, watched the keeper and slotted it home. Game over, thanks for coming, hoped you liked the beaches.

The defense was solid, flexible, and seemed cohesive. Reis didn't do anything spectacular, and Conrad and Boswell seemed to communicated well, although the early-season rust showed up on some weak clearances that led to anxiety.

All in all, a strong debut. I don't know why I hope for art. A topic for another day.

EDIT: Bornstein! How could I forget to mention Jonathon Bornstein?

Yeah, he had some difficulties with pace of play in the first half-hour. And yeah, he did look a bit frail against the more ruggedly-built Danes.

But what a football brain. His sense of timing and space is fantastic - it wasn't luck that got him on the end of Mapp's centering pass, it was that fabulous brain. And he sure looked cool and technical on the finish.

Waking the fuck up!

2007-01-03T00:05:00.000-05:00

Ok, so I realize that I've been half-assing this blog thing, and it's irritating me. I need to sharpen myself up, get the thing well-written, and make a go of this.

So, time to remember my journalist skillz(0rz). I'm going to start watching football on TV with pen and paper. I need to develop a robust note-taking system. Look for the first results in the not-too-distant future.

New experiment - alpha-state footie blogging

2006-12-20T23:23:00.000-05:00

Tonight I'm going to crash in front of the TV as FSC's late-night schedule plays. Tonight I have:

11 p.m. - Torino at Roma
2 a.m. - Club World Cup Final: Barcelona v. Internacionale
4 a.m. - Fulham v. Middlesbrough

I'll let you know what, if anything, sticks in my memory.

[TM] FCFU putting power move on

2006-12-20T23:22:00.000-05:00

Four games in, 3-0-1, 4th place. Nice!

[TM] the good patch continues

2006-12-16T22:22:00.000-05:00

So FC Flint Utd was promoted due to team attrition, and has won its opening two games by identical 2-1 scores.

I've recently realized that I absolutely am going to have to bring in some transfers. All my best players (and my best ones are pretty good) are late in their careers. And my youth program isn't going to produce a starter for probably four seasons, as it looks now.

Cuh-rappy. I planned to go the youth route exclusively. And I still may - just use these vets up, plow the profits into the youth setup, live through a couple of lean years, then start beating ass with the amazing talent I'll develop. That's the plan, anyway.

We'll see. I've always felt the youth route would be more satisfying, and I'll see if I can pull it off in this virtual setting.

[TM] Holy fuckin' shit!

2006-12-03T20:06:00.000-05:00

Man, I think I really am onto something with the 5-3-2 ... won 3-1 today, on the road again, to move FCFU to 11-12-9. Two more goals for Cyrano Crease!

Only one game left in the season, then the offseason begins. My primary goal for the time being is to fight for results week by week, but not spend a great deal on players. I need the greatest youth academy in the Americas. That's where my money's going.

... oh, and I do know this isn't real money. I'm just sayin'.

[TM] Ring the bells! Flint Utd is safe!

2006-12-02T09:30:00.000-05:00

So I get home from work last night, and am shocked to find that Flint FC Utd upended Dynamo Houston, 2-1, on the road. Dynamo were leading the division before the loss! Awesome.

I'm having problems with the software on the TM website, which means I can't adjust my lineup - at all. Frustrating. The computer swaps in ridiculous subs, they play like shit (Dmitri Samper rated a '1' at central defense, somehow, in a road win), and somehow we won. Strange.

With the win, the Stoners are officially clear of the relegation zone with two games to play in the season.

[TM] The season so far

2006-11-28T18:44:00.000-05:00

So FC Flint Utd play in the USA's 4th division, Group 1, and there's only 4 games left in the season. After being rooted to the bottom of the table for the early part of the season, the Stoners have come to life. Let's take a look at the form table:

Form chart - ALL GAMES
DDDLLDDLDWLLLWLWDWLDLWDLDWWWWDWWD - results
^ ^^ ^^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ - home games
* * - friendlies

The first three games were prior my joining the league, and were 'legislated draws' to pad out the schedule. So, I'm 9-12-9 in the league this year, but 9-9-9 since I took over the team. Lovely.

The good news is the trend is straight up. Throwing out the opening three draws (before the team existed), Flint FC could only get points from 4 of its first 10 matches. Ugly. That included starting things off by going 0-1-3 at home, which dropped my supporters numbers from 5k down to about 4200. Dire.

It was about this time I switched to the 5-3-2, moved the wingers out to play like wingers, and put Dwight White in the middle. A couple of midseason friendlies gave me a chance to tinker with the lineup, and soon the Stoners were winning.

Hey, I'll ride this horse 'til it gives out. Right now, we haven't lost for 10 games, so I ain't changin' shit. And Flint FC Utd is 9 whole points out of the relegation zone with only 4 to play ... very, very close to safety.

Football: fun.

[TM] Flint FC plotting the long course

2006-11-25T10:06:00.000-05:00

So I've also been captivated by a free online game called Trophy Manager, which is essentially an attempt to create a massively-multiplayer version of Championship Manager.

When you begin, your randomly-created team is placed in one of the lowest leagues for your country. Flint FC Utd is in the USA 4th division, Group 1. At creation, the Stoners (so named for Flint's unofficial title of Amsterdam of the Snow Belt) were dead last in the 18-team league. It's assumed you're taking over a 'failed club', and that bit's random - I got spanked on that roll, but did well otherwise.

The primary place I did well was in the top-end talent the squad had in place. I had two wingers who wouldn't look out of place on a field with MLS players (MLS is, like in real life, the top league), and a skillful central defender in the prime of his career.

I made a couple of good decisions - I found a formation that worked with the personnel and stuck with it. We're playing an attacking 5-3-2 with pure wingers on each flank. Dwight White, the stud central defender, I've made the captain and moved up the pitch to the center of the park. (His technique (20/20) and passing (18/20) will be minimized if I play him at his preferred DC position.)

Now here's the interesting bits of the simulation, to me. Like in modern sports, the physical factors are all out in the open. Top players in top leagues have their abilities mapped to an astounding degree by their training teams. The difference is between the ears, in the chest, in the stomach.

So it is in the sim. The player's scores are right there. The mental factors, also modeled (Flexibility, Leadership, Likability, Relationships, Loyalty, Ambition, Drive, etc) are behind the curtain. So I've gotta figure a few things out (or I had to, but I've gotten some sorted now):

Will Dwight White adapt to a position where his talent is utilized, or will he pout and bitch that he's a defender? (Answer: After a couple of games, he's played very well. Man of the Match a couple games ago.)
Can I find anyone to score? (Answer: Yeah! A surprise - Varden Pomeroy, a 20-year-old who was previously a holding midfielder, has eight goals in 18 games. Another striker, Cyrano Crease, is 22 and a poacher - he's got 6 goals and he's been hurt for 5 games.)
How to spend the money? (I used the initial funds from manager certification to upgrade my facilities - now Flint FC Utd makes good money for a low level club.)

I'm actively pursuing a massive youth academy / immaculate training grounds approach to the game. I want to be the Liverpool of the USA. But the game doesn't make it quick or easy - most of the trainees are obvious washouts within a few months' training.

Anyway, a work in progress. The good news is that my approach seems to be working - I'm profiting about 8 mil a week right now, which I'm immediately plowing into development of the stadium and related businesses.

And the team, thankfully, has the quality vets I mentioned above, and I've found the tactics which are letting them play well. 19 points from the last 7 games! We're now 8 points out of the relegation zone with 5 games to play. Nice!

Embracing the strangeness

2006-11-21T22:36:00.000-05:00

I'm considering some strange tactics with this team. At this point, Helsingborg is lined up in a tilted-forward 5-3-2 - wingers and a sweeper? Madness. I'm imagining that the fields and weather mean for a bit of the long ball, though, so no trapping stuff here.

The current right wing wants to move on, and I'm inclined to let him. I bid for a replacement and found dark-horse American (Tighe Dombrowski) who comes so cheap it's worth a shot.

I'm also looking for a cheap, effective sweeper who sees problems before they happen. If this were a full game and not a quick-start, I'd go shopping for Michael Parkhurst.

Ok, not English

2006-11-21T21:50:00.000-05:00

I decided to let chance have a hand in the game at the very start, and randomly selected a country & club. Sarah's rolling led me first to Sweden, then to Helsingborg IF, the retirement home of one Henrik Larsson.

Stay tuned.

A new project - Alternate Universe Football

2006-11-21T21:46:00.000-05:00

So I've let this blog go fallow, and I'm looking for a new entry point for it. For me, I mean. Anyway.

I love Championship Manager (or Football Manager, or Worldwide Soccer Manager as it's known here in North America). I love the unpredictable way the soccer world mutates in the game - parallel universes play out their stories on the hard drive. It's lovely.

So I'm taking over an English team in the Football Manager 07 demo. Which team? I'm not sure. I'm going to fire up the game, devise a random system of some kind, and post about it in a bit.

The Quarterfinals

2006-06-28T18:12:00.000-04:00

So it's wheat-from-chaff time. Out go Ghana, who started so poorly and finished so well, and Switzerland, who never surrendered a goal in 390 minutes of football. Out goes Ecuador, who never recovered form after pulling their fangs in for the final group game.

The teams who carry on are really the elite. Some years, newcomers threaten the status quo. Not so '06 - all six former champions which started the finals are still here, with Ukraine and Portugal the only ones fighting up a weight-class.

My picks:

I like Germany over Argentina in a cataclysmic, emotional classic. Something like: Argentina fightback stopped by dubious red-card on Riquelme. Germany takes 2-0 lead, Argentina comes back to tie, Germany wins in final 10 minutes.

Ukraine leads 1-0 on a Shevchenko header, but Italy strides out to win 3-1, scoring on either side of halftime then killing off the game with a counterattack goal.

England drags Portugal into a dry, confused midfield scrum, and Wayne Rooney shows why he's Wayne Rooney, scoring twice without much help from his fellows. 2-0, Eng-er-land, and darned if the snoozeball ain't workin'.

Finally, Brazil puts Zidane's career out of its misery, erasing the '98 champs 4-1 and looking every bit that dominant. For Brazil, the players up front are starting to understand each other, and they are as explosive a team as the world has seen in a while when that happens. Zidane gets an assist on the second-half Henry goal.

Understand I'm purely bullshitting here, just thinking about the matchups off the top of my head. Of course, I'm going to take credit for any similarity my predictions have with what happens. :D

AFK, y'see

2006-06-26T23:36:00.000-04:00

No, I haven't stopped posting. I'm away from home for a few days, which means I'm not able to either see as much football as I'd like, or post when I do see it.

For the record, Switzerland was pitiful in that shootout. And before that, both teams were pitiful for the previous 120 minutes. Ugh, that game will have the haters out in droves.

Tomorrow looks like it could be a ray of light, though. Brazil v. Ghana and Spain v. France? Dang, I'll be travelling. Hopefully it's astounding.

I've gotten over the hate

2006-06-24T01:52:00.000-04:00

So here I am, thinking of tuning into the ESPN Classic 2 am replay. I missed most of the Spain v. Saudi Arabia game (won, unsurprisingly, by the Spanish). And I'm seeing it's Italy v. Czech Republic from yesterday.

Now, my first reaction is: "Fuck that, I don't wanna watch a day-old game with those Italian assholes."

And then I thought of Nesta, and Tony Soprano, and I just got the fuck over it. I'm gonna watch and see either:

1.) Italy majestically takes apart attacking Czechs on the counter, or
2.) Italy flattens tired, demoralized Czech squad.

I'm hoping #1. Looking forward to it.

Competition for places! In MLS!

2006-06-22T14:05:00.000-04:00

Turning now to domestic football - in the only league grinding on during the World Cup, our very own MLS.

Not that many people have noticed MLS in the last month, but DC United are looking very strong indeed. Last night they nipped Chicago 1-0 to run their record after 14 games to 8-5-1. Nice!

Here's the thing I think is interesting: Since Ben Olsen left for national team camp, Brian Carroll has continued his impeccable play as one of the two holding midfielders in DC's usual 3-5-2. Nothing crazy there. But the third DM on the roster, USL vet Clyde Simms, has been a revelation.

It was Simm's goal last night that pipped the Fire, and he and Carroll have developed a wonderful understanding in front of the back three. Simms is athletic, reads the game well, and seems to have a knack for the kind of surging burst forward you want from a holding mid.

Can it be? Competition for places in MLS?

Good lord, I hope so. Now all we need is a similar situation at virtually every position, on every team ... I do think we're getting there, folks. It's just slow.

Meanwhile, Benny, good luck getting your job back. For the Black & Red, a great problem to have.

Not good enough

2006-06-22T13:43:00.000-04:00

So it's 2-1, Ghana. We're out.

Complain all you want to about the penalty call against Gooch (and I could complain for the next two weeks non-stop about it - a terrible call) ... the fact remains that only one US player scored a goal in 270 minutes of football.

One goal. 270 minutes. That's not a team that's ready to take the much-talked-about 'next step.'

Here's the deal: Our players aren't good enough. It's just that simple. For the USA to achieve the kind of success that our people and media expect on the world stage, we need world-class players. We need players who can conjure a bit of magic.

Right now, it's looks like we've got Clint Dempsey who's got that. Maybe, sorta, Bobby Convey.

Beyond that, on this roster, nuthin'. (I'll talk about off the roster later.)

There's a lot of criticism coming Il Bruce's way for throwing the frikkin' 4-5-1 out there again. I'll say this: In my opinion, that decision was the right one against Ghana, as much as it pains me to admit it. Ghana's advantage in skill and athleticism in the middle of the pitch (where Essien and Appiah set up shop) was substantial. Play a 4-3-3 or something against Ghana, and you'll get what the Czechs got - a potentially lethal breakout coming at your goal every two minutes or so. The GHA v. CZE game could have ended 5-0, easily. We had to crowd the midfield, it seems to me. And clearly it did to Bruce.

Our problem is that we simply have too many personnel deficiencies. Every team has to draft a game plan that accounts for difficult matchups. Even Brazil, when facing, say, Argentina, will pick out players that they are going to focus on (in this case, probably Riquelme). The US simply has too many of those matchups in a match at this level.

So, we're left with two choices: 1.) Hope against hope (like, for example, maybe just maybe they'll overlook us entirely a la Portugal), or 2.) play defense-first football and hope to catch 'em on the break.

It's like Bolton, without the stars.

We're improving. That's true. The level of our players is rising. That's true.

We're not there yet. That's true, too.

Top 5? Try top 25, and you're closer. The world isn't going to stagnate and wait for us to surge past them. We have to get better.

And another thing

2006-06-17T17:14:00.000-04:00

Where in the fuck was Eddie Johnson? One sub left, 20 minutes in the game; Keller's aimless blasts finding nothing but blue shirts; the Italians obviously sucking wind, as are most of our field players ...

WHERE THE FUCK WAS EJ?

Bruce, I'm looking at you. I mean, did that last substitution slot just slip your mind? Jebus. You're trying to beat the I-ties on the break, wouldn't you at least sub in some pace? You did it with DMB; what about EJ?

I'm just saying. Is there something else going on there? Is EJ being punished for his 'I want to feel like a real footballer' comments? If so, why?

Kissing your sister

2006-06-17T16:55:00.000-04:00

Ah well. It's hard to win 11 v. 11, much less 11 v. 9.

Again, the official should be marked out as an Al-Quaeda sympathizer and hounded mercilessly. At this point, a 'smart' bomb down his chimney might be the answer. Sure, it would level his neighborhood, but the pair of red cards he gave were a clear political statement.

Or something. I dunno. I'm trying to make our Bush-era fascism work for the World Cup squad. Gimme a break.

In the end, it's clear that this team, while on the rise, doesn't have the technical or tactical skill necessary to break down world-class teams who take them seriously. I expect this trend to continue, and the Euro/South American technical advantage to get thinner and thinner, until we can just hold the ball and play with every team in the world.

That's the hard part about World Cup football. You have to win a long series of games against world-class teams, all of whom have the tactical, technical and athletic perquisites to beat you.

2010 should be interesting. By then, a new generation will be in the driver's seat, and it's a generation with a lot more skill and a lot less bite. Will we learn to play continental possession football?

I can't wait. After the horrible opener, the US stuck its nose in and played with the Italians. At least now we won't have to read how we don't have any business on the same pitch with a European side.

Time for another bribery inquiry

2006-06-17T16:17:00.000-04:00

Ok, Pablo's red sucked ass. But Pope's? Huh?

60 seconds into the second half, you card the first hard tackle of any kind - this one on a guy who's barely late, and who's carrying a touch yellow from the first half?

I hope this guy got a villa for his trouble. That's all I'm saying. Selling us out for peanuts would be insult on top of injury.

White hot rage

2006-06-17T15:51:00.000-04:00

The straight red on di Rossi was understandable - he swung and hit McBride, obviously on purpose, resulting in a nasty bleeding wound.

But Pablo's red is simply inexplicable, unless you're one of those Euro refs who thinks that every red card needs a companion from the other side to make it 'even.'

Fuck 'even!' The fucking Azzurri are diving and whining non-stop, and getting calls every time one of their players hits the turf. The US has played physically, but not a single challenge has seemed malicious.

Mastroeni was a fraction late for a tackle. Yes, it was from behind a bit - not straight behind, but behind. I expected a yellow, especially with the US up a man. But FOR FUCK'S SAKE, IN NO LEAGUE, IN NO GAME, IS THAT TACKLE A STRAIGHT RED CARD.

I challenge anyone reading this to defend the Mastroeni red card. First thing, if you're considering taking that challenge, wiped the red-white-and-green paint off your face. Now wash your hands.

Now type, undefiled by the colors of a national side content to dive, whine and playact past a team they pretend is beneath their attention.

So I hear

2006-06-16T22:59:00.000-04:00

that the Netherlands edged out Cote d'Ivor - see ya, small fry, next time let's try 'Ivory Coast,' n'est ce pas?

Wow, lovely tone there. Ah well, I'll let it stand. That was my first take. My second is:

The Ivory Coast are tragically undone by their Group of Death - losing that pulsating 2-1 opener to The Greatest Team in the History of Anything (see below), then a 2-1 edging by this lovely Dutch team - ouch.

They'll take out their frustrations on a bloodless and dazed Serbia & Montenegro squad. Argentina and the Netherlands will probably play a bloodless game of pass-and-turn, although a little bit of magic could get them into a meaningless and entertaining streetball-type match.

Incredible

2006-06-16T22:47:00.000-04:00

It became possible to believe, for a few sublime minutes this morning (suitably caffeinated, I must disclose), that Argentina are the greatest team in the history not only of football, but of teams, or sports, or history, or greatness.

That's how good they were. I'm talking about the lineup that ended the game against the dispirited S&M. Messi, Tevez, Crespo, Messi, Tevez, and Messi. Goal! Goal! Goal!

Incredible. I love this game.

Another reason the flu sucks ass

2006-06-16T08:51:00.000-04:00

As I said below, today's football is amazing. If it weren't for the fact that the real flu wiped me out for about five days earlier in the week, this would be the perfect opportunity for an attack of its distant cousin, the influensis footballis.

I curse you, real flu! I shake my tiny fist at you!

Brunch-time football is lovely

2006-06-16T08:34:00.000-04:00

Sarah and I are falling into the lovely habit of brunch-time football: Because of the time difference, the Cup's early games fall at 9am Eastern Daylight Time. And let me tell you, it's ever so lovely.

Today, it's Argentina, one of my favorites. Win today and they're through the Group of Death the cleanest way possible.

Today's a feast, really. Argentina v. S&M. Netherlands v. Cote d'Ivor. Mexico v. Angola.

The noon game is the best of the day, the Dutch and the Ivory Coast; taaasty. Watch to see if Robben passes early on to reassure his teammates - if he doesn't, I think this team could implode psychologically. Don't say I didn't warn you, Arjen.

Then Mexico, whose stature is growing by the day. I predict another comprehensive victory, and the Mexicans clean through to the final 16.

Crushed

2006-06-13T08:02:00.000-04:00

In the minutes leading up to the USA's opener Monday, I was assailed, suddenly, by fear: The US isn't good enough; our results against minnows haven't prepared us for truly strong teams; we're going to get embarrassed after all this talking trash.

Oy, oy, oy. If only I'd written it, instead of just whining about it in the agonizing pre-game hour to Sarah, I'd be looking smart now.

As it is, the doubters and the haters can have their heyday. 3-0, Czechs, and looking every inch that comprehensive. No bite, no creativity, no hope. Suddenly it's 1998 again. We couldn't hold the ball against pressure, couldn't get a decent cross in, couldn't beat anyone off the dribble and couldn't connect three passes in a row. I saw more from T&T than we showed. Painful, painful.

I'd like to write more about this, and will as time goes forward, but for now I'm still too angry, hurt and stunned. To come out on the biggest stage and lay an egg that comprehensively is frankly shocking.

Wither Red Bulls?

2006-06-10T21:32:00.000-04:00

Man. This football team is Teh Stink.

In this post, I wax rhapsodical about the Red Bulls' early-season giveaways. And it was cool. I dug it. Way to go.

But man. Man-oh-man. After watching another snoozer - another tie (that's 7 out of 10 games this year - hooray!) from this sister-kissing factory on the Jersey shore ... ick. This is a team badly in need of a soul transplant. This time they squandered Jean-Paul Peguero's solo effort in the second minute, going the next 88 without so much as a sniff. Lovely.

It makes my heart hurt to see Youri Djorkaeff frustrated, clearly waiting for his teammates to make an intelligent run, to tackle someone, to give him some freakin' help out there. I mean, Youri's a very limited player now, fairly static and rubbish defensively. But he's not out there as a destroyer. You put Youri Djorkaeff on the field at 742 years old, you'd better support him, so he can glide in and out of the game, providing moments of genius and inspiration. (See: Bergkamp, Dennis, Arsenal '04-'06; Sheringham, Teddy, 18 clubs since '02.)

Instead, he's left pushing his aging body to the limit on the artificial turf at the Meadowlands, trying to get Edson Buddle to press once in a while, trying to get Marvell Wynne to make a run into space, trying to get Amado Guevara to give a crap.

I do think this club is one serious, no-excuses captain away from being pretty good. Peguero is a steal in MLS, and should score 15 goals a year. Buddle is promising but needs pushed. Seth Stammler is coming along nicely. Wynne just needs time on the training pitch.

Claudio Reyna, the Red Bulls need you.

World Cup '06: Five games in

2006-06-10T20:08:00.000-04:00

Five games in, and the feast is truly underway. Too much to say - going to hit this in the lazy sportswriter's friend, the Notes format:

- The opening match of the World Cup is traditionally disappointing, if for no other reason than four years of hope and expectation usually run aground on a reef of cynical tactical calculation - the favorite risks nothing, the underdog hopes for a point, voila - stale footie. Not this time!

The Germans, never noted as risk-takers, played as aggressive an offside trap as I've ever seen in an international match, even after Phillipe Lahm plinked a scorcher off the far upright and in for the first goal in the seventh minute. Wow.

Most coaches (Bruce Arena, I'm looking at you) would have taken that goal as a sort of warning against moral turpitude and put 10 men behind the ball for the next 85 minutes. Not so Germany, who played like the game was first-to-5.

Now that is the game Nike's trying to market. Jurgen Klinsmann, you are the man. Here's to hoping Nike rewards him with some Joga Bonita cash. heh.

- Today's Argentina-Ivory Coast game was exactly the sort of game you want your non-soccerhead friends to see: Aggressive, tense, pulsating. Of course, in all likelihood, the game your non-soccerhead friends did see was the England-Paraguay stinker.

How Ing-er-land manage to suck so horribly with such sublime players is puzzling. Is it that Owen's short of fitness? Or that they don't have a holding midfielder? Or that they fold under the pressure?

I'll say this: English club teams don't seem to go all weak-kneed at the big occasion. But their managers certainly seem to. England needs a sarcastic, doesn't-give-a-crap-about-the-media manager.

Arena for England! (Yeah, I'm off my meds.)

Too long away

2006-06-10T20:07:00.000-04:00

I haven't stopped watching and thinking about footie, just posting ... now, as a part of my commitment to stop being a slack-ass bastard ...

New! Improved! Blog!
(now with actual posts!)

DC! United!

2006-04-23T20:17:00.000-04:00

Lordy, lordy, it's a good time to be a United fan.

[Champ Kind] Whammy! [/Champ Kind]

A long weekend of footie on cable began with that clinical demolition of a hopeful but haggard Red Bull group. Maybe it's something in the air, but DCU looked to me like a South American outfit out there - composed and methodical in possession at the back, clever and quicksilver in the front.

Sure, there's a moment of defensive madness or two, but you can see what Nowak was getting out with the Erpen/Boswell pairing. Those two look like they've established a defensive hive mind of frightening potential - Erpen the swashbuckling stopper, Boswell the stoic, looming sweeper. And don't get me started on Brian frickin' Carroll. If he stays at this level, he's the best marking mid in the league. Yeah, I said that.

The goals were better than average, too. Eskandarian with the classic poacher goal to open scoring - how important is it to have a guy who'll keep his nerve and stick a surprise chance away, eh? - and then that lovely quick movement for the second. That's pure Argentinian stuff, the sudden burst forward that simply destroys the defense, the ball spinning and shifting so easily from man to man, and the names involved were Carroll, Olsen and Eskandarian.

I'm just sayin'. If you're, say, Erpen, and you want to show people at home what you do - you're not ashamed of that highlight. You know they'll go, "Ahh ..." and smile.

Those same people at home were doing more than smiling when the omnipresent Facu lashed home a 30-yarder, curling it up and over the halfway-out Meola to effectively bring the Mo Johnston era in Jersey to a close. Well, maybe.

But I ain't talking about that cursed club right now. I'm talking DC United. And I'm very, very impressed.

Vamos United!

Dear Mr. Garber: WTF?

2006-04-06T08:30:00.000-04:00

It's looking like we're going to have to pay for the streaming feeds off of MLSnet we've gotten in the past for free. On top of FSC's bizarre last-minute 'oops we're not showing MLS' un-announcement, and the total inavailability of MLS Direct Kick through Charter in my area, I'm going to be hard-pressed to have any idea what's going on in the league this year.

I'm pissed. If this was the middle of February, at least I would have a couple of months to seek a solution.

So, I wrote a letter to Commissioner Garber; I'd recommend that anyone else out there frustrated by this let him know.

Mr. Garber,

I am writing because I love MLS, and I am generally delighted by your work as commissioner. Your slow, sure guidance of MLS from the era of shootouts, countdown clocks, and massive red ink to today's emerging continental power has been inspirational to those of us who love our domestic league.

Now, though, I'm left with precious little ability to follow the team, and so suddenly! I have never had the fortune to live in an MLS city, and so season tickets are not a possibility.
Without warning, the MLS agreement with Fox Soccer Channel collapsed, leaving me paying $5 a month for an 'America's Soccer Channel' with no American soccer.
Charter Communications, the only cable company available where I live, "has no plans to make Direct Kick available for 2006."
Finally, I understand that the free streaming of games from the league's website will end after next weekend, leaving me the option, presumably, of paying to watch bit-mapped games where the football is often invisible and popular games are frequently unavailable at stretches.
I have been so, so excited in anticipation of the season's start. Now I'm left with the possibility that the only games I'll see are the ESPN2 game on those rare occasions I'm not working on a Saturday afternoon.

At the least, some information on what in the world happened here would be nice. Your office issues a press release every time a major land developer is in the same room with a soccer ball - perhaps you could let the fans who are the keys to expansion (the ones in the soccer hinterlands) know what arrangements they'll need to make to watch the game.

This is a simple business courtesy whose lack I find puzzling. How would DishTV feel if they knew I was delaying calling them while your PR people figure out how to spin all of this?

Please, sir, let us know what is going on.

Yours,

Sean Spence

Red Bull shows the way

2006-04-05T17:20:00.000-04:00

Red Bull shows the way

There's been a lot of ink spilled (err, characters clipped, heh - insert your internet-friendly metaphor here) over Red Bull's takeover/makeover of the Club Formerly Known As Metrostars. Some would have you believe that Red Bull's buyout and rebranding

At the end of the day, though, how are promotions like this a bad thing? Seriously, if anyone can give me a negative side-effect of this sort of promotion, I'd like to hear it.

The RBNY fans got a great game out of it; RBNY players got to hear real traveling support for the first time, uhh, essentially ever; and the DC fans and players got a much better atmosphere (and went home happy after a second-half renaissance).

Why not 'soccer'?

2006-03-30T14:23:00.000-05:00

I'm a middle American who never played football before college, really. Prior to that, perhaps once a year in PhysEd we'd play 'soccer' for a week; that was it. We heard peripherally about this huge quadrennial sporting event, but I never saw a game. I played in a co-ed intramural 'soccer' league, winding up as a passable right back. The domestic league I've learned to love is called Major League 'Soccer.'

So why, then, am I calling the sport football?

I know the arguments for 'soccer': Its pedigree is legitimate.* We already have one 'football' in America. Americans who call it 'football' are pussies of the first order ... what have you.

Here's the thing. We know the folks who invented this game. They're the same ones who invented the language we all share. So, I'm thinkin', it's just the tiniest bit rude to decide we don't like the name.

======================

* Hilarious bit - it's 'soccer' because it couldn't be 'asser,' according to Online Etymology Dictionary.

In which we meet our Narrator,and He praises El Pescadito

2006-03-30T13:44:00.000-05:00

I'm a football fanatic. I love the game, and I love the culture of the game around the globe. I love the way the game reflects the culture of its players. I love it.

So, this blog exists primarily for me to spout off about it.

Today's thing: Carlos Ruiz's nasty little bike wins the MLS Goal of the Decade.

Ok, I love Carlos Ruiz. He's exactly the kind of player that drives some American football fans crazy - he's a gamesman, he plays head games, he's tempermental. He's a diver - they don't call him 'El Pescadito' for nothing.

And I see what those people are saying. I mean, the diving is out of control in the game. But where's the appreciation for the trickster, the clever lad, the con man? That's Ruiz. He's always competing, always looking for advantage. Hey, that's why we're here, right?

Put yourself in the shoes of your average defender in the MLS - a good athlete, tall, swift, not great with the ball at your feet. Now, listen to Ruiz all day. He's telling you in Spanish he's going to embarrass you. He talks about your hair. When you fend him off early on, he winds his shirt into a knot and claims to the ref that you did it. You touch him on the edge of the area and he falls over.

You're thinking that you've seen this guy before - another 'gamesman' assclown. Just keep your feet under you and he'll run out of rope with the officials before he gets anyone in trouble.

Problem is, that's just the first level of Ruiz' graft. He's playing a longer game, and the punch line is this: He gets a chance to score at all, the tiniest little sliver of a chance, and he's sticking the fucking ball in the back of the net.

Look at that goal of the year. Dallas is controlling possession, and it starts with a throw. The other Dallas attacker - I think it's Mina, but I'm not sure - carries the ball into the area, waiting for someone to challenge him. DC doesn't, because they're a disorganized mess in the sequence. Mina sort of runs out of ideas, realizes he has some space, and tries to lift a cross for Ruiz.

The cross is well behind him, and Ruiz reacts instantly with the flashiest of football finishes - but how else to reach that ball?

That's Ruiz - flash and flopping, sly and gnawing, a player who doesn't want it widely known just how badly he wants to win.